Thursday, July 31, 2008

Clearing ur stuff in Bangkok



















Hubby




Jux came back from Bangkok and cleared all ur stuff (within 4 hrs). Went with Sharon Lye (your colleague).



We went to the Social Security office straight after we reached Bangkok, everything was so smooth and Khun Noi said that "must be Khun Raymond doing the arrangement...hehe". I even have time to shop at Fashion Island (remember meimei used to call it "Fashion Thailand"). Then I spent THB6,500 in 2 hours, can you believe it?...ur wife is really an amazing shopper right?!even Sharon couldn't believe it.



Took pictures of ur apartment, thinking back the usual location we used to look out for you. Looking out the window waiting to see ur car coming back, looking at the angle of ur room where we can see from the webcam, looking at the milk bottle brush which u still have it in the toilet, hearing the TV making noise from the usual channel we used to watch, looking at the kettle which we used to boil water for instant noodles...so many many memories...now I'm alone here packing your things and knowing that this will be my last time here. Feeling sad, heavy and cannot believe it is true. Driving thru places which we used to go (Fashion Island), the porridge stall at the roadside, the usual way u took to office...is no longer the same feeling anymore. Looking at the bed, thinking back we used to sleep and the kids jumping around, making so much noise...now I'm alone here. Going thru your things, saw so many tubes of pain relief cream...it pains me...u suffered the pain alone here w/o me applying the cream for u...my heart is so painful. The next morning, I took a last look at the apartment before I left...a feeling which words jux can't describe...



Flying into the sky, I kept looking out for you thinking that now I'm so high up...I should be closer to u now...but still no sign of u. U didn't look for me at ur apartment, probably u dun wan me to stay there too long.



Well, going to Bangkok is no longer a pleasant trip anymore. When I stepped into ur apartment, the way u placed ur stuff...I know u din expect that u wont be back anymore. Sat in ur new car, I heard the CD which we copied when we were there (23-06-2007)...u remembered to transfer it from the old car...I believe whenever u were listening to this cd...it reminded u of us...jux like now when we listen to "hold my hands" we will think of u.



U have done wat u needed to do on earth, u don't need to work so hard anymore that's y God lifted u up to enjoy wat He has installed for u. Things will be ok here...u hv fun up there ok.



Wife

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Y 7:55:00 PM

1 Comments:

Raymond Tay,

My tears dropped when I saw your blog. Reading the messages from your wife, I can feel that she really loves you very much.

I love the christian songs posted by your sister. Thks to her very much.

Very glad to see that you have a very strong tie between your family members.

You will always be remembered by our group of friends (Ex-SSH), Ann, Raymond Seetoh, Dorothy, Linda howe, Irene Tan, Betty, Jean, Vincent, Li Chin, Ching Ching, BT Ong, Jason etc......

Jac

By Anonymous Anonymous, at August 9, 2008 at 10:48 AM  

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Wednesday, July 30, 2008


I found this from my favorite book of all time - THE LITTLE PRINCE

I find this more realistic to consol me at times.. And I believe you will say something like this to comfort people like you always do..

"In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night . . . You--only you--will have stars that can laugh!".........."And when your sorrow is comforted (time soothes all sorrows) you will be content that you have known me. You will always be my friend. "

Uncle Chye Hin, looking up the sky, I dont really know where to find you so now I shall look at the stars that shall be you. And hear your laughter which we will all remember. You are my guiding star at night.. my guardian angel...Missing you..
Love, Connie..

Y 6:12:00 PM

4 Comments:

ehhh. i love that book too. someone gave it to me when i was little can't remember who.haha

felly

By Anonymous Anonymous, at July 30, 2008 at 7:36 PM  

My dear felly,

its me who gave it to you la...on your birthday..can ask yr mum.. confirm its me la..

Love, Connie jie jie..

By Anonymous Anonymous, at July 31, 2008 at 12:23 PM  

oooooh i love that too. i have both chinese and english versions (:

cher

By Anonymous Anonymous, at July 31, 2008 at 9:59 PM  

Cher, i didnt give it to you or did I? I am thinking of getting all the cousins a copy..hee hee.. great book.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at August 1, 2008 at 11:50 AM  

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Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Unbeatable Skill


Hubby


I was talking to my sister (Lina) yesterday about your driving skills. You loved and enjoyed driving very much. It must have pained you alot when you see yourself not able to drive anymore at the later stage. I remembered one of your lady colleagues came and she praised your driving skills. She said "he drives very fast and not reckless, he is a fast and careful driver." I missed you those days you drove us around, there were basically no places you couldn't find. I remembered when we went to Poh Huat Road on 29 June, you guided me all the way. I could see that you got impatient with me when I still couldn't find the expressway exit.


1st July afternoon, I rushed back half day coz Jackie told me that you almost fell in the toilet. That was the afternoon you told Jackie and I that you want to be placed next to your dad and the same day you asked Joanna to draw a handsome picture of you. Now I link these 2 incidents together, I understand your frastration. You were impatient with me coz you must be thinking that if I cannot find the way then how will I bring the kids to visit you at Poh Huat Road where you will be placed after you are gone.


Recalled back all the bits and pieces, you actually know very well that it is coming. You are such a great man, you just didn't wan to let us know coz you know that we will be sad. I recalled, the last few days of your life, you didn't get very close to the kids...the only thing you did was to hold their hands (0nly for a while). I know you were afraid that you couldn't let go and you know they will be very upset. In situation like this, you still spare thots for all of us and enduring all the pain. It must be this reason that you insisted to get Connie back. She has been in your mind all this while and wanting her to come back to the family. You felt heartpain when you got to know that Connie had gone thru so much all by herself that's why you insisted that she gets family support from now on. You did it...she is back and she stays. It is through you, we see things differently and we get more united. Even though now when you are no longer with us, you are still our motivator and comforter.


I'm going to Bangkok tomorrow and this will be the last time I stay in your apartment. Do visit me if you have time.


Waiting for you.


Wife

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Y 8:00:00 AM

1 Comments:

I think Uncle was preparing everything. I suddenly remembered on his birthday, I got cady to sayang him and hug him goodbye and he said 'You be a good girl ah, must remember me ok?'...... :(
Also, remember he sent an sms to all of us one night saying 'Good night my loved ones?'!!! OMG Uncle Chye Hin..Uncle Chye Hin... :( :( :(

By Anonymous Anonymous, at July 29, 2008 at 4:40 PM  

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Was just chatting with Cheryl but end up breaking down again..and was uploading photos onto my blog and saw this picture.. Broke my heart..Its my last photo with you and with your grand niece.. before the dream I tot you never hold me before..i was wrong.. In this photo, you held cady hands and your arms were around me..my heart is so painful now..Sorry, miss you still..

and getting bad with every passing night..

I drove pass SGH today and even though I know its very evil for me to think this way but I secretly hope you were there so I can just go up and see you...

I want to tell you another thing. That morning when I heard the words from Auntie Joe that you are gone, I just stood there.. Although I wanted to rush over but some how I was hesitant.. I didnt want to see your lifeless body.. I just didnt know how to face it, I was too scared...I kept asking why i didnt wake up just one hour earlier?! Why? But if I were there, will i be too sad to let you go? ...Sorry, should sadden the rest anymore but still hard to accept that you are not here anymore..the one who brought me back..


Y 12:30:00 AM

1 Comments:

That is the best photo of all of us.did u realise that uncle chye yin actually was very weak when he was taking that photo but still managed to smile 4 us.This prooves how much he loves all of us and i am sure he do not wnt to see us all crying and sad.ALRIGHT thats all :)

By Anonymous Anonymous, at July 29, 2008 at 8:17 PM  

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Monday, July 28, 2008

Seeing the pictures of my dear bro's favourite food brings tears to my eyes. And yes, Austin, am feeling really empty and lost. He was such an easy person to please - I really enjoyed watching him eat, even the simplest of food like "tau kwah" porridge, especially when he asked for 2nd helping. I will always cherish those time when we will both sit in his living room, watching Asian Food Channel and drooling over the glorious food and sharing about God's goodness. I really miss him talking to me, advising and comforting me, always telling me "don't worry, Abba will take care of everything!" I remembered that on one occasion, he even placed his hand on my head and bless me!

Last saturday was a long day for most of us, but we all could see that everyone was having a good time! I was impressed that Jolyn could actually cycle all the way to the jetty which must be very far away and back. Of course, mei mei did not have to worry cos she got cycled all the way by the 2 jie jies, especially Alyssa, who was the front cyclist! I secretly wished that you were here with us! Don't forget, we still owe you one at the beach!

Bro, tomorrow I start work again though I really do not think I can concentrate very well. I know that my mind will be full of you when I drive to my destination - Home Team Academy, somewhere out there along the expressway. Remember the last time which was on April 29, it was you on your mobile phone, guiding me all the way from my home there. You actually drove on the opposite of me, patiently giving me clear instructions and giving me confidence to get there!

I was trying to put off this assignment because I know that on the way there, I will be thinking of you and besides..........hee, hee, hee, I still really do not know exactly how to get there tomorrow! But I am going to try and I know that you will be guiding me from above where you can see better! So yes, I am going to make it!

Good night CH and don't forget that I have been in the queue for so long already!


Your angel

Y 10:41:00 PM

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i know this is random

but since uncle austin posted something about food, i thought i'll put up some pictures too :)

i'm sure we're all familiar with this vegetable?















tang oh! -- english name: Garland chrysanthemum (interesting huh)

almost a staple every chinese new year. i'll always remember ah ma saving a huge basket of it for uncle chye hin and uncle chye hin happily lapping up every leaf HAHA!
and not to forget him sweating cos everything was so hot-weather, steamboat, chilli
and him rolling up the front of his t-shirt and standing in front of the fan!

:)

steamboat was never the same without tang oh man!

got this off google.
hope this brings back good memories for everyone :)
i'm sure uncle chyehin is enjoying an abundance of tang-oh now :)
SMILE EVERYBODY :D
yin wei YA SOR JIN JIA HOU !
oh yes, auntie karen!
uncle austin requests you make your liam kueh cos we cannot fnd picutes of it on the internet.
make some and we'll take photos of it :D

Y 10:02:00 PM

3 Comments:

er.... dont forget the green noodles with fried shallots and sliced chilli and soy sauce! The very very green and nua one..

All the mee hoon huay or liam kuay or green noodles outside can never take place of our home cook ones la! And Uncle Austin, I want to eat your extra spicy Mee Goreng next time ok????

Erm.. Auntie Karen, can i eat liam kuay for my birthday? Hee hee..Then I will airfreight some to Uncle Austin..

By Anonymous Anonymous, at July 28, 2008 at 11:17 PM  

i read n understand that i have to show my cooking skills again. so why not we fixed it on this SAT.but have not decide where to go yet.all of u out there, if u happen to read this pls b ready to meet and get yrself ready for the "BIG FEAST".

austin- sorry u won't be able to taste it. but if u r online on sat, we would be able to show u on cam!

By Blogger LOVED ONES, at July 29, 2008 at 8:15 PM  

i didn't forget larrr..just don't know the name.
but green nooodles? ahaha i thought they were yellow!
aiyar. green cos the vegetables stained it i bet. HAHA.
what's liam kuay called in english? i tried sticky kuay/kueh tapioca kuay..nothing!

anyone have any ideaaaaaa?

jo

By Anonymous Anonymous, at July 29, 2008 at 10:46 PM  

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Hello brother....Are u mee hoon kuaying? Bet you have ample supply of mee hoon kuay up there.
I remember this is our staple food in Lower Delta Road. It was so cheap then...50 cents to buy the flour and we will make the whole pot. We will add anchovies, vegetables, fishcake and the quintessential chilli padi and also sambal chilli. so shiok..
You always have the thick ones which are not cooked inside... Those outside ones are too commercialise and too fanciful...
Just as we like the way we eat our mee hoon kuay, we have to accept the changes..
Just like the way we wish you are still here...we have to face the reality...
We will always remember you in many ways and we will move on with good memories of you... i know that you will laugh with us as we recount those memories... you will comfort us everytime we cry... to tell us in your own special way that everything is going to be alright.
Austin

Y 8:20:00 PM

1 Comments:

Hey Austin

This looks yummy, mouth watering lei....so tempting...is it in HKG?

Yes, we will remember him in many ways.

Linda

By Blogger LOVED ONES, at July 28, 2008 at 9:08 PM  

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Sunday, July 27, 2008



HELLO GUGU.(:

Hope you're having fun up there.I'm sure you are. come visit okie

Anyway, we went to east coast park yesterday! And we brought mei mei and jolyn for picnic.It was so fun, Alyssa and I took mei mei and jolyn cycling. I'm very glad that they had fun.mei mei was so funny, cause she couldn't fit into the baby sit. we had to look for another one for her! cause of her prosperity!Haha and jolyn, we were worried when she was behind us and we kept stopping to make sure she was fine.

we took them all the way to bedok jetty! aren't you proud of your daughters?!

jolyn didn't know how to cycle at first but i think she got the hang of it in the end. while cycling back alyssa and i were talking then i heard someone singing. it was mei mei, she was singing the song 'wa eh xin wu peng an'. i think she was thinking of you.(:

We wanted to bring mei mei and jolyn further down the other way but they were tired so they went back to connie jie jie's house to bathe then join us for dinner after that. Mummy and aunty jackie bought them new clothes.(:Then we went back to connie jie jie's house and mei was tired so i carried her back. She was so tired she actually fell asleep.But she woke up again so i sang her to sleep while waiting for the aunties. The one you always sing to mei mei and jolyn to sleep. Then mei fell right back to sleep just nice aunty jackie came with the car and i passed mei mei to jo. i think she slept all the way home.

(: we enjoyed yesterday, i'm glad mei mei and jolyn enjoyed it too.

Though a part of me wished you were there playing with jolyn and mei mei.





felicia

Y 3:45:00 PM

1 Comments:

Yes, jolyn and meimei enjoyed very much...thanks everyone.

Felly, I like the word u used 'prosperity'...meimei is taking over her dad's tummy...haha

Muaks..Muaks...from jolyn and meimei

Auntie Linda

By Blogger LOVED ONES, at July 28, 2008 at 9:46 AM  

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BE POSITIVE


Hi all loved ones

We know that we jux hv to accept the fact that he is no longer around physically. We muz remember wat he wanted us to do when he was still here and now this is wat we can do to make him rest in peace. We jux hv to carry out and fulfill wat we promised.

I remember on 11th June 2008 when Dr Leong Swan Swan told us that there was nothing she could do...and the only way was to wait...and he asked how much time he has but Doc couldn't give him an answer. After that review, we went to Karen's place (Karen u still remember). He told Karen that, "if I'm gone, pls bring up ur kids properly."

Even though he didn't show any sign but I know he was sad and jux can't bear to leave us so early. He also never thot that it actually would come so soon...sooner than he expected. Remember when he was in hospital, he wrote on his palm to show jackie and austin that he was sad...he wrote "so sad, too many changes and too fast."

Before he left us, we assured him that all his worries are being taken care eg. his mum, his wife and his kids. We also assured him that everyone will support each other in whichever way.

Now he is not here, we jux hv to be strong and move on. Of course it is easy to say and I'm also trying very hard to do it. We jux need to channel our focus to some where else eg how to fulfill our promises. We can't turn back time so let's not dwell into unchangeable fact.

Jackie, cooking for CH is no longer possible but u can channel it to your love ones who are still here. I think this is wat CH wans to see too.

Joe, u r always CH's medical advisor. Actually not only CH but everyone of us jux that we dun report to you wat is the colour of our poo poo and wee wee every day. When it comes to medical issue, we will ask you for advice and I believe u will still be willing to help us in this way even though CH no longer requires this 'service'.

We should be comforted that he left us without bringing any regrets with him. Remember, that Monday (7th July 2008) - Youth day. He kept asking wat time, asking whether anymore things to eat, anymore things not yet done....he jux wan to ensure that all are done and he can really go w/o leaving anything undone. We all assured him that things are all done and he has done a good job. When we saw him in pain on Wednesday, we told him to hold Jesus' hand and go. We jux hv to remind ourselves that, we dun wan to see him in pain cos we all love him so much...and we know that he has gone to a better place. Now, we also know that he will visit us in our dreams as and when we call out to him.

Let's make full use of our potential to help one another in the family. We all can contribution in our own special way to those who are still here. Let's be strong...let's hold each other's hand and move on together.

Linda

Y 2:24:00 PM

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Looking out of the window with the sun shining hard in HK, it reminds me so much of your personality. Ever shining and boisterous... never have a streak of bleakness.

Remembering cleaning the glass panel of the coffin everyday, I keep telling myself why are you lying there? I secretly hope that the next time I clean the glass panel, you will be like Houdini has disappeared....all this is just a your way of making a prank...

I was determined that all the wreaths have to be watered... I consciously make an effort even though someone else have done so.. Guess I was being proprietary about it....I guess i just wanted your journey be accompanied by the smell of all the flowers...

Spoke to Jackie and Joe yesterday... they brought your girls to the beach.. did you see them? They were playing with the sand... I could sense that Jackie was still feeling empty and sad... I guess she feels so lost not able to cook for you anymore.... She used to tell me how much she loves doing so... You know Jackie, she is that kind of person loves to show her culinary skills... she did share with me about what to cook for you many times we chatted and I will share with her what kind of food which are protein rich will be good for you....Please comfort her.. I know she misses your voice, advice and you. Do appear in her dreams... give her the encouragement...

Austin

Y 1:32:00 PM

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Saturday, July 26, 2008

I was so excited and happy that you came to me last night that I immediately sms all the aunties but after pressing the 'send' button, my heart sank very deeply. I start to tear. I carried Cadence and ask her if she saw you too.

Thank you for comforting me. Now I am sure you heard me call out to you late last night while I was out driving. YOu knew I was super super stressed yesterday and felt so guilty that I screamed at my hubby and my new maid. I felt so disgusted that I screamed in front of Cadence. I promised I never let her grow up in a screaming and fighting house..but I screamed! I was super stressed that I had to rush back to fetch Cadence, the traffic jam, the lack of sleep and my new maid doing everything wrong! I didnt want to shout or scold anyone coz the day before Auntie Linda reminded me to think how you would react and what you would advise me to do. I tried to control it.. but I felt so guilty after that to Cadence. I want her to grow up in a house full of laughter and smiles..I want her to be a happy kid. I felt so lost that after I put Cadence to bed, I went for a drive and also to go back my mum's place to take the Fuciourt cream that my maid forgot! (Cadence has a new really bad bite yesterday and its so itchy for her).. While driving, I was feeling so lost that I look up and called out to you.. You really heard me..You really did. And you just came to my dream and hug me.. a hug I needed and regretted not able to give you before you left.. You didnt say a single word but that hug was enough..I became like your young niece again.. You look like the young uncle Chye Hin i knew from Lower Delta days..Thank you Uncle Chye Hin. Thank you. Now I know whenever I need comforting, you are still there for me..Now I have no secrets from you, I can tell you every single thing. But I still miss you badly.. I cannot imagine how such a big man like you just disappear out of reach.. and how someone so big can just become bones in a urn.. thats why I broke down that day when I was ask to take a piece of your bone... I cannot take it. I cannot accept how can life be so cruel. How can someone be so lively one minute and then burn down to just bones and ashes the next. But now i am consoled that even though I cannot hold your hands, sayang your head anymore, I know if I need a comforting uncle hug, you will still give it to me.. Thank you Uncle Chye Hin.. See you soon.


Connie

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Y 11:53:00 AM

3 Comments:

Connie,

So glad that he appeared to you. He knows that you needed that. So now you know that he is not gone, he is always there. What you shared the other nite, all the anguish, disappointments, faults and bad memories should now be put away. You see he is still doing God's work even he is not physically here.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at July 27, 2008 at 1:18 PM  

Connie

U r a great mum. U jux won't take any chance if u see any potential harm is coming to Cady. U will also make sure that Cady will not go thru the same childhood as u. Watever u think is miserable, u will cut it off before it comes near to Cady. U will try ur utmost best to protect Cady. U hv grown and I'm sure uncle CH is very pleased with u.

Have peace w/in urself so that u can solve things in a cool way like uncle CH (tay family gene yo - stay cool).

Rest assure, Cady will be loved by all of us and even uncle CH (even though he is not here physically).

auntie linda

By Blogger LOVED ONES, at July 27, 2008 at 3:29 PM  

Thank you uncle Austin and auntie Linda.. I thank Uncle CH coz
1) its him who prayed to find me home
2) its him who made me stayed
3) even though he's pleased I have grown but he knows that I may still need someone so he sent Auntie Linda..

I am trying my best, i really am..but i wont be able to accept still that he is gone..i realised how much I love this uncle..and how much time I lost on my other uncle..He knows how much i did, I dont have to let it known. I know I cant be too protective of Cady but I cant take any chances of hurting her emotionally, she is innocent. I know he is fully aware..I also know what is his wish for me but i think now he knows I still have my difficulties. Yeah, I have grown, I will try my best..staying cool..

Connie..

By Anonymous Anonymous, at July 27, 2008 at 10:49 PM  

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Friday, July 25, 2008

HELLOS UNCLE RAYMOND [:
yesterday was my birthday. i felt really lost. and cried when i was in school. i kept on wishing that you will be there. i really broke down. my mum, sis and bro didnt know i cried. even before i slept at night i was still thinking. on the previous saturday, all of them celebrated my birthday for me, im really very shocked and happy but i had one wish and that is i hope you were there. im really really very upset that you are not here with us. i feel that there was something missing. i did had a happy celebration but do i have a happy birthday? not totally i guess. tmr we will be having lots of fun at the beach perhaps. but i really wish you will be there. every year on my birthday, you always talked to me on the closest saturday, tell me about how much mature i should be, growing older one year every year. i miss your care, love and hugs! i always hug you in the pass. and those can never be forgotten. really. perhaps, i should not have made you dissapointed. perhaps, i should have study hard and not make you so upset. i really hope you were here all this while. i really wish you were here for my birthday. i know you will be in my heart always. and i remembering you forever, is just like a present from you. and also the place you occupy in my heart is also a present. if i have a chance to make a wish that will deifnately come true, i will wish that you will always be by our side! ILOVEYOU UNCLE RAYMOND [:

BAO WAS HERE [:

Y 9:58:00 PM

1 Comments:

Bao,

He is and will always be with you. Think of him and remember him. His advice, concerns and love that he showed to you. He knows that you are trying hard to be good. Be good and don't disappoint him.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at July 27, 2008 at 1:29 PM  

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Thursday, July 24, 2008

I find it so comforting to write to you in the nite. This is because whatever had happened in the day, sad and frustrating at work... i somehow find solace when i look at your blog. You somehow give me peace and tell me that tomorrow will be a better day.

Talking to all your ex-colleagues during your wake made me understand so much more about you. All sang praises about you, about how you helped them, about how you are always so positive. Even when you have passed on... you are still a true testament of God's work. All of us should live by your example. Thank you for this valuable lesson.

Good nite, brother.

Austin

Y 11:05:00 PM

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Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Looking at all the posts again I can't help but to feel very sad. I looked at the photo, we took at the studio, for my graduation and felt that that is probably one of the closest thing i have that reminds me of you. sorry that i have never been communicative and open to sharing with you. Now I can't and will not be able to. It is just unfair that the two persons that will protect us and be the first to react to any situations are taken away from us. Why? First it was dad which took me a long time to come to terms with and now you....

In the past with many things that had taken place, I always felt that I was born in the wrong family. I am feeling it again...why must a family be suffering and sad? It is difficult to ignore the fact that your passing on has affected me greatly... I am sorry I am trying to be strong but there are just moments I cannot.

I remembered times that you defended me from getting whacked and never failed to stand up for me to the wrath of others. Yet in your darkest moments, I could not even helped you. I wished I could have taken your place for I have no dependants. Why not me? I was the additional one and it would have been so much easier. I am sorry...

austin

Y 9:42:00 PM

5 Comments:

Austin
Please dun feel this way, I believe Raymond was glad that you were there with him. He could see how much u love and care for him. He saw how u rushed back for him when u were informed that he was in critical condition. You have shown ur love for him...he knows.

I'm sure u can still remember he thanked you and was so pleased with you when he was discharged from hospital that saturday. No regrets..really no regrets. We were all there on Tuesday night...he managed to see all of us for the last time. I'm sure he was happy cos he did say 'bye-bye' to everyone of us in his own way. I'm sure he was pleased to see that we were with him, trying our very best to make him feel as comfortable as possible. He felt it, he knew it jux that at that moment he couldn't express it. Please dun blame urself, he won't wan to see u feeling this way.

Linda

By Blogger LOVED ONES, at July 24, 2008 at 8:17 AM  

Thanks Linda. I know but I really wish that I could have done more. I know it was hard and painful for him and yet he endured all that to ensure that he gets to see everyone. Always put others before him.

No regrets as you said. No regrets indeed. You too should stay strong.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at July 24, 2008 at 9:29 PM  

Uncle Austin, what you wrote back a lot of memories.. somewhat bad ones.. Especially 'born in the wrong family'..It was this feeling that took me away for 10 years from all of you and nearly my life..But i overcame that coz I tot 'since I am already here and my time is not up yet. I might as well do good about it'..I was somehow brought up by you all (temper also very Tay Family lei) so if I can overcome that, it should be easier for you! Besides, some 'right' family may not have cousins who are so close and a big niece who came back in the nick of time! I am proud of the teachings this family has taught me..You said we lost the 2 people who can protect us..now i think its only you left.. so, come back and protect us..and share with us so we do not have any more regrets later! Its hard to accept that a man can just disappear and no longer can be held or heard so let us hold you more and hear you more!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at July 25, 2008 at 12:34 AM  

I will indeed. I am reachable now on msn. I have put it on my blackberry so all day and nite. I will also have the phone on all nite...

By Anonymous Anonymous, at July 27, 2008 at 1:24 PM  

Hi Austin,

can I hv ur msn address so that I can add u in my contact or u can add me? Mine is lindachang2@hotmail.com.

Linda

By Blogger LOVED ONES, at July 27, 2008 at 2:16 PM  

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ipod malfunction - is it you?

Two weeks on still making fun despite not being here. CH are you trying to tell me something. I have been putting the song (hold my hand) on repeat and listen every morning and on the way back. BY the way I just heard someone in the family is trying to translate into Teochew! On the way back, my ipod just went kapook! Ipod got hung and was desperately fixing it. Luckily after trying various methods, the ipod is working again. Then Pam MSN me and I told her I wanted the other songs. She sent me a version of the Jesus is Good (Jolyn and Jaslin)and jackie the other two songs 钉在十架 Nailed On The Cross (Hokkien) and 走過的日子. Glad that now I have more songs to put on repeat. I think somehow you just wanted me not to get too bored listening to just one song.

By the way since everyone has a chance to dream about you... please be reminded there are a few more in the line....

Y 8:43:00 PM

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By Anonymous Anonymous, at July 24, 2008 at 6:11 PM  

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Bro Chye Hin

Bro, it's been 2 weeks since you had left us. Am very 'chicken' to write till today. Everyday going to your blog is like a routine to me now and each time i will cry. Seeing all the others' writing about the goodness about you make me very proud to be your sister.
Remembering those time when you will in BKK, every morning u will share with me the food you took and the color of yr 'poo poo' & 'wee wee', make me cry even more lor.
Bro, kinda of missed your 'sau wa ter ka' leh? Am sure you are in good hand now. Without worrying wat to eat and wat u shit. Seeing you leaving make me sad and happy the same time.Sad because you are leaving us and happy because you will not feel the pain anymore.
Bro, if you are looking down on us. Please ask GOD to bless and protect your 'love ones'. Especially your wife and your 2 daughters. Ask GOD to give them strength to face all the obstacle that may comes.
Peter keeps telling me tat we all can mourn now but not to long. That will not be good for all of us. Our life have to go on. But....... just can't lor!!!!. Each time when i see your picture that we had with Austin on my TV console, make me sad and angry lor. 'Idiot' lah, why must you go so early?

Missing you, Bee Tee

Y 2:04:00 PM

2 Comments:

Auntie Jo, so the chicken came out of the coup liao isit? Funny la.. Uncle must be laughing and saying 'TONG LI BEI TIAO!!!'

Connie

By Anonymous Anonymous, at July 23, 2008 at 2:54 PM  

The bark that is worse than the bite is actually a "Chicken" ??

By Anonymous Anonymous, at July 24, 2008 at 6:13 PM  

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Dream of Chye Hin

I am very happy my dearest chye hin came to me in my dreamland on monday night. he was so handsome n tanned. "he just finished his work n he came to me n aunty jo just to wash his hair. we gladly wash his hair . he was soaked all over his body n we wanted him to borrow underpants from 'pui' boy. then he told us no need , i't's okay i can do it back home. when we r done with the washing, he left to the carpark where he park his lorry or truck. (the Blk 48 carpark )." that was my dream!
u guys out there must noe this. he looks so handsome and tanned. never had i seen him that way. he looks very very young n very very handsome. if u r in my dream, everyone, u would noe how he really look.

i was at uncle peter's office n i share it with aunty jo. she was the first person i share with. all of us have been waiting for him to come into our dreamland too. when i told her abt the dream she was very surprise. i believe she must be waiting for her turn too. so, everyone, pls keep waiting, i am sure he will come to u all soon.

i am happy uncle chye hin was in aunty linda's dream too. i somehow had a feeling that he appear in my dream n ask me to wash his hair first b4 he goes home to aunty linda. he wants to appear to u(aunty linda) a handsome , tanned and clean looking guy.
aunty linda n aunty jackie had a chance to wash his hair b4 he pass on n now aunty jo n me had a chance to wash his hair too. i did not have that chance wash his hair when he was alive but at least i did it in my dream.i was very upset when i was not there for him when he pass on.我为了这件事根根于怀。至少现在在梦里， 我可以为他洗头.这也是我唯一可以为他做的事.

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Y 9:46:00 AM

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We were at the park having activities with our kids. He was wearing his favourite orange and blue stripe t-shirt (the one he wore to jackie's place this year's CNY)and he look handsome and healthy.

Jolyn is also waiting for papa to come into her dream.

Linda

By Blogger LOVED ONES, at July 23, 2008 at 11:29 AM  

Uncle sure can read this blog! He knows! So happy..shedding tears of joy! I cant wait for my turn..

Connie

By Anonymous Anonymous, at July 23, 2008 at 2:46 PM  

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Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Uncle's orientation is over!!! Cant' wait for him to appear in my dreams..

Auntie Linda, it seriously think Uncle saw all your blog entries and your prayers so he came to your dreams last night!

Well tonight get a early rest and try remember most of the dreams!

Good night! Muaks!

Connie

Y 10:24:00 PM

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Wow! can't wait for you to share.

Jackie

By Blogger LOVED ONES, at July 23, 2008 at 9:09 AM  

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2 WEEKS


Hubby,


Today is exactly 2 weeks after u left us.


I'm glad that u came to my dream last night.


Thank you for giving me all the sweet memories and 2 lovely princesses.


Rest in peace and enjoy in heaven.


Wife

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Y 8:13:00 AM

2 Comments:

Linda,
Iam glad he came to your dreams. Be strong and know that he will always be there in spirit with you and the two girls. Chye Hin will want us to remember him the way he was..I know I am the furthest but if you need to chat, I am a phone call or email away. Send my love to the girls.

Austin

By Anonymous Anonymous, at July 23, 2008 at 8:47 AM  

Hi Austin

Thanks.

Linda

By Blogger LOVED ONES, at July 27, 2008 at 2:20 PM  

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Monday, July 21, 2008

We all know that each time we visit and read the blog, we will tear each time. But i guess it has become a habit for me to visit everyday..maybe we feel it is a channel for us to write and talk to Uncle Chye Hin.

Its not easy for everyone who has to resume their 'normal' life working, kids raising, studying, make ends meet. Today I went to NTUC to get some urgent things and was kinda feeling under the weather due to the major sleep deprivation. And after paying for the items, I suddenly found out i had very little cash in my wallet with no ATM card coz I left it in my other bag! Its frustrating coz I didnt want to have to come back another time or day to buy wat was on my shopping list. Simply because I dont have much time! (work, maid training, kid raising, hubby biz clerical work, etc) I dunno why but walking out, I thought of Uncle CH. I felt that he must know abt this, he can see it... And as I was walking to the run more errands, I was thinking about him all the time. I remember reading all the entries here saying how Positive Uncle Chye Hin was. So If he knew abt my little problem, he would have said 'No problem la.." small issue..So i felt assured and thought ' nevermind la.. its not a problem, just dont buy other things first, find another time."

Maybe some of you may know that I am thinking of doing my own business (starting my own freight forwarding company) but because I just have a baby, I dare not take the risk. But somehow, as i keep missing Uncle Chye Hin, I keep thinking if I have told him this, he would have said " Go for it, reach for your dreams".. Maybe if he is still here, he may offer to be my sales & marketing manager! So I am all powered up to start thinking abt my plans again! Thank you Uncle CHye Hin!

Even though my heart is still heavy everytime I think of him but it has also gave me strength. I keep thinking how Uncle Chye Hin will support and encourage me.

Auntie Linda, i know its difficult but u should know Uncle more than i do, so I am sure if he could tell it to you straight, he will be saying 'HAVE PEACE, YOU CAN DO IT!' or anything positive! Like how you will encourage me everytime we shared. :)

Please be assured that even though I may not have called or msn you, you and my pretty cousins are in my thoughts everyday. Sometimes I wish we can all sit down and gossip like usual and not having to work like mad in the office! Speak to you tmr! Goodnight and muaks!

Goodnight all my aunties, cousins, sisters, Uncle Austin and most of all Uncle Chye Hin..muaks..

Y 11:39:00 PM

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Linda

Please try not to feel that you and your children have no one to protect and watch over. I must admit the I felt the same way and still does, whenever I see happy families walking around in church, shopping centres and restaurants. But almost everytime the Lord will remind me of what he has to say in Isa 54:5 For your Maker is your husband, the Lord Almighty is his name"
Ps 68:5 "A father to the fatherless, a defender of widow, is God in his holy dwelling".

I hope that these words from our Father will grant you comfort and strength.
Good night and may the Lord grant you His beloved sweet sleep. Kiss Jolyn and Jaslin goodnight for me.

Jackie

Y 11:20:00 PM

1 Comments:

Hi Jackie

Thanks.

Linda

By Blogger LOVED ONES, at July 27, 2008 at 2:20 PM  

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MOVE ON


Hubby


I'm so sorry to make u worry...I know this is not wat u wan to see...i know that u've gone to heaven and with Jesus now. I know very well that u've no more pain, no more sufferings. This was wat I told our kids, I believe and I meant wat I told our kids.


I agree I need time to get over this whole thing and I jux have to move on. I promise I won't dwell in it for too long. All those regrets I have, those 'wat if', those 'I shd hv', etc etc...all these u know and for sure u won't blame me for that. U wan me to move on and keeping u in mind. U want me to lead happy life even without u. If I keep dwelling in this, u wont be happy and those work that u hv done...all go down the drain.


Let's encourage each other by writing happy moments, happy memories of u and leave our regrets behind us. Of course it will take time...let's not take too long to get over...cos u know he is an impatient man...cannot wait too long yea.


I promised u that I will be strong, I told u that I'm sure I can let u go...I assure u before u left...I promised u that I will take care of our kids...I will do it...I will do it...very soon..very soon..I will be myself again. God will give me strength to move on...to look ahead...to bring up our kids. I know God is there for me...for all of us.


Write till this point, my phone rang...Esther called (from New Creation Church). She was asked to talk to me and I can share with her watever etc. I told her I'm ok and wat I need is jux time to sort things out...to sort out my thoughts. I told her that I was in the midst of writing this post to encourage everyone to move on cos I know u don't wan us to be like this. I think the post that I posted this morning made many people worried for me...I apologise for that. I thank everyone who loves me, who shows concern for me and who supports me. Dun worry, I know wat I'm doing and I promise I will be strong for the kids. I will not allow myself to go into depression... cos I hate medicine..hahaha.


We will not make u angry...so we will move on and get out of this as soon as we can...jia you jia you!!!


Wife


Y 9:08:00 PM

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Chye Hin

i am very sad, u r gone.u know each time when i c yr photo with yr favourite songs playing i cry.i know i shouldn"t behave like this, but u know is not easy to get u out of our mind .i keep telling myself not to cry,advise people around me not to cry, but i realised its easily say than done.
each time when i c yr children, i felt even worst.i felt very helpless. i can't understand why? W-H=Y do u have to go?i hated everything that had happen so fast. one moment u r here next to us, talking loudly n singing to us and next moment u r gone. 你说这是不是天在愚弄我们。我真的不服气，为何是你。世界有那麽 多的人为何偏偏选中你 呢？肯本不公平。
u were not given enough time to enjoy life with yr family, to enjoy our weekly gathering n enjoy yr favourite food that we prepared. i don't like that cos it has taken a big part of our 'YOU'we have alot of things we have not share. we make a pact we will cook for u when u r well again. cook yr favourite "liam kuey", mee hoon kuey" n boiled soup. then u left us just like that. u did not keep yr promise. who would eat up yr share of 'liam kuey' n 'mee hoon kuey'.

Karen

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Y 5:32:00 PM

1 Comments:

Dear 'Zix Zix',

I really appreciated the things you given us!

I can remember i saw you this Jan 2008 for chinese new year!

Another time i saw you was this May 2008

It is a sudden news that we knew that you are with god safely.

I am glad that you opened our eyes when i called you that day.

I Really REALLY CAN BEAR TO LEAVE YOU!

Dearly missed by:
Rachel Tay

By Anonymous Anonymous, at July 21, 2008 at 11:16 PM  

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NOT THE SAME ANYMORE


Hubby

As day goes by...I still cannot believe that u r gone. Yesterday while I was walking aimlessly at Suntec, I saw children with their parents doing things together happily...I tell myself...I will not get to enjoy this kind of happiness anymore...and my kids too. No matter where I go, I see traces of u then I realise...'we hv been to so many places...so many places.' I'm reluctant to tell people that u r no longer around. I'm afraid that people will bully us cos I dun hv u to protect me and my kids dun hv u to protect them. I dun wan people to look at me and thinking that I will need a man to come into my life to take ur place...no one can take ur place...no one. U ever promise me that u will not go before me...u promised...u promised. We still hv so many things undone..."come back...u still hv things to do...u still hv things to eat..."

Well, I know I jux hv to be rational. I know u r not coming back anymore...not anymore. When I viewed the video last Saturday, I start to recall our happy moments. When Darrell gave me a lift to Bukit Timah Plaza, we talked about bowling. Those were the days when u and I did nth on weekend but jux bowling till late at night. We had so many many happy moments...how can I accept that u r gone jux like that. My mind keeping flashing back ur facial expression of ur last breath, that's y I asked myself "did I make a mistake to force u to let go?". I have a lot of 'wat if', wat if I din let go...will u stay on? will u make it for another day or another more days? will I see miracle?

Probably I jux need time and I'm not sure whether time will heal. I'm feeling sadder everyday...everyday. When I reach home after work, I jux hv to pretend that things are still the same cos I dun wan to affect the kids even though I know things won't be the same anymore.

Won't be the same anymore...

Miss u dearly, wife

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Y 9:19:00 AM

1 Comments:

i can understand how sad u may feel cos i feel the same. but u must always remember watever u do my sisters n families will support u. u have been a great wife to my brother n also a good mother to my 2 beautiful nieces.i want to thank u for all u have done to his family.seeing how u brave thru'this ordeal makes me realise how strong one can be .
so please continued to be strong for CH n your children.life has to go on but this time without CH.Please take good care of yrself, cos u n I have a long way to go. Rite?

karen

By Blogger LOVED ONES, at July 21, 2008 at 10:00 AM  

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THANK YOU SO MUCH

Jackie and Connie

Hey, u gals make me tear. Thank you so much for the comforting and support. At that moment, I only have him in my mind. Jux to take care of him, nurse him, make him feel comfortable and jux him and only him. God gave me strength to carry him, to lift him up and to clean him. Only at that moment, then I realise how much I love him and I will do anything for him and jux for him.

Linda

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Y 8:19:00 AM

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MY DEAREST BROTHER, CHYE HIN

chye hin

eversince u left , life has change.Everyone starts working,including myself,cos this maybe a way out not to think of you.But i feel yr presence each time i c children with their parents walking pass me.It really hurts me alot.I will start to remember u as a person with the "no problem" attitude.When u r around,u r always there for eveyone of us.Remember when my Alyssa was in sec 2, she had a classsmate that always give her problem in school, u make an effort to pick her up from school in order to make sure she reach home safe n sound.When Aaron had an accident at home(bum his head) u came all the way to send him to the hospital for treatment, n lots more. U always make wonders to all of us.It seems nothing can beat u when it comes to亲情 爱情。你会为了为我们赴汤蹈火(fu tang dao hou).真的很感谢你再也没有一个你能为我们付出这么多。
很想再次听到你的声音，看到你，感觉你的存在。可是我知道这是不可能的事实。可是上帝要把你给带走。对我们来说是一种损失而对你来说是一种解脱.我希望很快就能和你再见面！

KAREN [:

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Y 7:59:00 AM

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Auntie Linda,

Although I regret not being able to spend more time with Uncle Chye Hin, I have been blessed with another great Auntie like you. I keep thinking maybe Uncle knows about how I feel so he sent you to speak to me.

You have been one of the strongest women I have ever seen. Uncle Chye Hin will never blame you for anything I am sure! You did what you have to do because you love him too much and we all can tell! Not by the big actions but by your calm way. Like I said, you are like Uncle. YOu never fail to comfort me when its you who needs comforting!

I am very happy to know Uncle has such a great wife like you. I know even though you didnt show it during the wake or cremation, your heart was crushed. But you didnt tear because you wanted to be strong for your gals.. I respect you for that. Keeping calm throughout the wake and finding peace within yourself, I know you did all those out of love for my Uncle and you knew Uncle wanted you to do that..Thank you!

Thank you for sharing with me and letting me share with you. You told me things which I may never know but has since assured me positively. Like what Auntie Jackie says, you are part of us and the whole family is with you..Continue to be strong.. I am just a phone call or msn away...

P.s. I really think maybe Uncle is still having orientation in heaven la.. so he hasnt come got time to come into our dreams yet! :)

Love, Connie

Y 12:28:00 AM

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Sunday, July 20, 2008

"Sawadikup!"

Hellooooooo Chye Hin gugu!

We gathered at Aunt Jackie's yesterday. There were tons of fun and laughter, especially when we watched the home video of our family gathering many years ago back at your yew tee home. Back then, we kids were all so young and adorable with our squeaky voices and innocent gestures. It tickled me to watch our amusing little acts, but what I really keenly did throughout the video was to look out for glimpses of you, and listen out for traces of your voice.

And there you were, topless and exposing that 'Prosperity' of yours -- the one that we all remember so well because you used to always lift your shirt up such that your shirt rests upon it. You were enjoying steamboat delicacies while perspiring profusely by the steamboat table. Most of us remember fondly that particular vegetable you loved to eat, the one that was rarely missing on any of our steamboat tables because everyone knew you loved it.

And I heard it, that familiar, robust voice that has spoken to each and every one of us on many occasions -- from quirky order-taking phonecalls from Bangkok to more sober (yet always affectionate) advice-giving talks. The one voice that has touched all of our hearts, and will forever resonate within the family.

And I know, that right now, up there where you are, you look and sound just like that. I truly believe in what I once heard Auntie Linda tell Jolyn -- that you're exploring your new home right now, so that when we are all ready to meet you up there, you could bring us around like a polished tour guide, as in Bangkok. There will come a day, when all of us will be there to party with you again (:

I love and miss you, gugu.



Cher

Y 11:55:00 PM

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Linda,



As much as I may feel the pain and loss of my bro, it must have been doubly more painful for you being Raymond's best friend, lover, wife and mother to his children for the past 10 years!



Seeing you went through with my bro until his last moments has shown me how strong a bond you both have shared! Many times, I am amazed by the strength you've possessed; taking care of him both in the hospitals and home(sacrificing rest), feeding him, cleaning after him and even being able to single handedly carry him. I believe Raymond must be looking down from above, and lovingly saying a big "thank you" for being there for him all the way!



My dear sis-in-law, thank you for being you. The bless you, Jolyn and Jaslin with his shalom peace even as you continue to brave on. Please know that everyone in the family is with you all the way even as we continue to support each other. Let us keep up with the family spirit like what Raymond had so desired!



Jackie

Y 11:14:00 PM

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Yesterday was a week after the funeral and though as usual, the family got together, it was not the same.... especially without you.

And yes, Connie was right that while viewing the video taken at your old home 10 years ago, each and everyone of us must have felt that "heavy heart" but not one of us dared show it. You know, we are all getting stronger (for each other) though I know for sure that in the quiet moments or when no one is around, there are tears. Bro, I miss you so much.

Today at church, pastor prince talked about God being the triune God, and we his creation are tripartite - spirit, soul and body. He talked about us being a spirit, with a mind (soul) and living in a tent(body). God also led him to speak on how when we are reunited with Jesus, we are in the spirit with him and that the body we have is like a building that has collapsed. I thought, wow, my daddy God just know when and how to reassure me again that my dear brother is with him and that I should not continue to remember him still in his sick body but that he is gloriously saved and happy with our Lord, free from pain and disease. Hallelujah! Though it was not part of his message for today, those words were meant for me and it brings much comfort to me.

Walking around Marina Square today after church, I recalled the times when we will bump into each other with Linda and Jolyn and Jaslin and the maid. Flashes of your face came to mind and I quietly wished that it will still be the same today, though I know that its not possible.
Passed by the hokkien church this morning - can't help but remember the last time you attended service which was 2 Sunday ago. CH, I really wished you were here at church today so I could come and say hi to you and Linda. When it was time to go home, I remembered the lot you were last parked in and can't help but scan around the carpark hoping in my heart that I would see you in your car like the last time, when you were with Karen and Aaron and the girls.

But I know, that its only going to be memories and these are so precious to me!
Good night bro!

Jackie

Y 10:03:00 PM

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Sunday 20 July 2008

Reading all the posts, my heart is warmed by all the love and feelings expressed by all the nieces and nephews. Although beaten by a persistent cough, I have not failed to look at the blog everyday. I guess this is a form of consolation. Needless to say, I teared alot just reading all the posts.

I know that all of you want me back to Singapore and I can fully understand the sentiments. I promise you all that though I am not in Singapore, my family always remain close to my heart. All these years of being away may have make me drifted apart from all of you but believe you me, it has not. I may not have spoken to each and everyone of you but I am aware of what is happening to all of you. I have always said that I am one phone call and email away. I know this does not beat being there physically but trust me, just like Uncle CH has and still is, I will always be here.

Austin

Y 9:14:00 PM

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We know you are still here among us..because I can feel your presence yesterday at Auntie Jackie house even though you are not there physically. Though everyone did not say it, everyone missed not seeing you with us..we just didnt want to express it... We watched a video that was taken at your Yew Tee house during CNY and when you appear, i know everyone was secretly saddened but no one wanted to make everyone sad again coz if one tears, i think everyone will tear..I felt sad coz I wasnt there that time to share that moment with all of you. It was so great to see all my cousins and they even gave Bao bao a surprise birthday celebration..When we suddenly brought the cake out and started singing happy birthday, Bao bao was surprised but I could see she was almost in tears..Although all of us have a heavy heart and misses you badly, we try to be strong for each other but i think when it was over, everyone starts to miss you again. Driving home, I suddenly remember the last time you sat at the dinner table at Auntie's house and said.."1st August right? I didnt forget.." ...and the more I miss you, the more I hope Uncle Austin will come home. He used to be my closest uncle and my confidante who was my pillar of strength since young but we drifted apart at Clementi. I lost him for 10 years now so I hope I can make up that time with him. Uncle Chye Hin, our guardian angel, can you help us bring Uncle Austin back to Singapore? Although no one can take your place in our hearts, at least the kids have an uncle they can call. For me, I do not want to regret for not making up the lost time again.. like now where I can never talk to you again.. Everyone misses you more day by day.. Yesterday was exactly 1 week from 12 Jul 08 but our hearts are getting heavier and heavier by the day..

I hope this blog shows people how bonded a family can and should be. How life is so vunerable and how a men can make such an impact on his nieces and nephews that sometimes we treat you more like our own father. As I have learn so many important lessons, I hope others can also learn something.. Lets all not do what we know we may regret later especially when your loved ones leaves us forever. Lets all not make the mistake of regretting things at our deathbed.

Uncle Chye Hin, you didnt want to let go for that past 3 days even though you keep saying you will leave in 3 hours, you fought on and the only thing you kept saying is 'Sure?' 'Sure?" I know you wanted to be sure you have done everything you needed to do. I remember your pulse shot up very strongly when Auntie Linda & Jackie told you Uncle AUstin is back. You also got so energetic and looked at Uncle Austin and held his hand so emotionally and trying so hard to tell him something..I know it was very painful but you still didnt want to let go until you made sure you got everything said and delegated. Uncle Chye Hin, you did all you could.. You did MORE than you should SELFLESSLY. That touched me so much..at the last minute you are still thinking about others even though you are so weak and suffering.. you were gasping for air and i know it was very tiring for you but you waited for uncle Austin to come back. I started to think maybe you didnt want us kids to be sad to see you go so you chose to go when we were all not there..but as Auntie told us, your last was not the least painful..that somewhat consoles us a little. Because of you, we are trying out best to keep the family unit as bonded as possible to remember you and to celebrate being part of the FAMILY.

So for people reading this blog, i hope you too can learn a lesson from a great uncle that taught & inspired us. You lived a great life. We are proud to be part of his family..I love you Uncle Chye Hin, really.

-Connie

Y 4:26:00 PM

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austin gugu.
please come back):



felicia.

Y 3:01:00 PM

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Saturday, July 19, 2008

I MISS GUGU SOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSO MUCH!
LIFE IS DEFINITELY DIFFERENT W/O GUGU. LIFE STILL GOES ON, BUT WITH GUGU ALWAYS IN MY HEART.
I'LL NVR FORGET THE TIMES YOU'VE BEEN WITH US, BE IT WHEN YOU'RE ANGRY OR WHEN YOU'RE NOT, COS ALL MEMORIES OF YOU AND WORTH REMEMBERING!
I'LL DEFINITEY RMB WHAT YOU'VE TAUGHT ME: NO LONGER IDK. NO LONGER SLOW. NO LONGER NAUGHTY. NO LONGER REBELLIOUS. NO LONGER RUDE. NO LONGER CRYING. NO LONGER COMPLAINING AND MANY MANY "NO LONGER"
I'LL MISS YOU.............................

Y 12:45:00 AM

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Friday, July 18, 2008

FOREVER


the last time i touched your hand, and told you:
"take care of yourself gugu. we'll be back"

it'll take forever to forget, your memory will always be in us.
forver is how we'll remember you by.
I LOVE YOU GUGU.IMY(:
felicia

Y 10:05:00 PM

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DANIEL TO THE BEST UNCLE!

Oh man i dont know how to start but nvm ill just say it from THAT DAY.i just reached home with mom,dad and zhe. We just finished bathing when i was in the room with zhe when pam called and they talk and talked and talked, then i asked what happen as zhe look worried but zhe was like rushing into mums room when we all found out that u wanted to leave in 3 hours.Then instead of sleeping me and zhe wanted to keep mum company and like in a flash in was changed and in the car going to your house.

Trying to keep awake in the car i was like everyone,what if u leave tonight,what if u contine,how are we all going to cope and will my stupid prediction come true(which was that there will be a bigger situation comming if u pass on and im right)Everyone accompanied u for another day and then the parents were like time to go to school but on that night i wanted to stay i had a feeling that i MUST stay but in the end i still went to school.In the morning i went to school knowing you willl be fine,so i just talked to friends,played like anyother school day and just before the recess bell i was called to the office to BRING MY BAG!I pannicked i ran to my bag packed up while answering my kei po friends that i dont know whats going on but just felt that something had happen.When i reached the office the guy at the table asked me to take a sit.i was angry at the same time worried when the called me again,i stand up then he asked me to fill in the permission to leave school.Thats when i was really worried,when i finished writing my name i was wondering whats the reason of leaving when zhe dashed into the office and i was shocked and then behind her was my form teacher he asked me to pass him the paper to sign when i asked what happened zhe told me u passed on...i just broke down in the office.

OK nvm all i want to say is that when i reached ur bed seeing u peacefully gone i just thought that WHAT IS THIS UR JUST GONE!THE UNCLE THAT SAID THAT AARON AND I HAD TO LOSE WEIGHT,THE MAN THAT BOUGHT ME MY PS2 GAMES FROM THAILAND TO MAKE SURE I PASS MY PSLE IS GONE!!!!! Just seeeing that painting of how handsome u r just made me regret not tellling u the things i want to tell u now and not being so close to u as how a nephew should be to a uncle.WELL I HOPE U ENJOY THAT POEM I WROTE FOR U U WILL ALWAYS BE THE BEST UNCLE IN THE WORLD AND I WILL PROMISE TO LOOK AFTER MOM AND I AM LIKE SO PROUD TO ACTUALLY BE PART OF UR LIFU ARE AN UNSUNG HERO A PERSON THAT WILL ALWAYS BE REMEMBERED AS CHYE YIN GUGU!OH YEAH AND I WILL ALSO LOOSE WEIGHT FOR U MAN and i will never forget u as the MAN who dared to play any scary game the MAN who loved his family than himself.


YOU ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

Y 9:27:00 PM

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TO MY BELOVED UNCLE RAYMOND (:


Looking at all the posts that all the aunties, uncle, cousins, auntie linda, meimei and jolyn wrote for you made me tear. i can really tell that they are all hurt from the fact that you are no longer with us. none of us had ever wished that will happen. Until now i still don understand why must it be you that is taken away. There are so many other people but why must it be you. Jolyn, Mei Mei and Auntie Lynda had been the three strongest people i have ever met. They had always been strong all this while. Even though they did not cry infront of us and we know they hurt alot in their heart, but they have been strong enough not to break down. You have been like a second father to me. You gave me sense of love and secure. Heard that when Alyssa was younger, she got to know a friend that tend to be very dangerous. You made trips to fetch her from school everyday regardless free or not, just to ensure her safety. You had always been so caring towards us!
When me and Felicia saw this picture we were really very sad. We cried. remembering all the times we are together. Im really sad. Until now i still feel you are here, beside me. I cry everytime i think about you. I still remember when i was younger, i was not very close to you. It seem to be because of Alyssa that made me much closer to you. Then on, we stayed at your house almost every weekend. We became closer than just normal niece and uncle. You were like a second father to me. You were worried about my studies. Worried when i came home late. You always talk to me nicely no matter what i do. I really thank you for your thoughtness. REALLY!
Im guilty. Guilty that i made you so dissapointed. Until now im still guilty. Im sincerely sorry! i remembered. That time you tried calling our house phone many many times but i was using the phone so it was engaged. When you finally called through, you ask why was the phone engage and i told you i was using the phone. Then you talked very nicely and ask why did i use the phone for so long. I replied in a very rude way. The next day, when i was back from school, i fell alsleep. You called and told mum that you were very dissapointed in me. Later on, i called you as you told mum to ask me to call you. YOU said to me one word, 'DISSAPOINTED'. i cried immediately after you hanged up the phone. At that moment, i realised im wrong. really wrong. i always wished to say sorry to you personally and also talk to you. But i never got that chance. I thought that i was never close to you since then. The next moment my mum informed me that you were in the hospital. I didnt dare to go at first. As i felt so guilty to see you. Until now, Im still very guilty. I have been blaming myself all this while. IM REALLY SORRY AND I HOPE YOU WILL FORGIVE ME. i think i can never forgive myself as i didnt even get to hear you tell me from straight from your mouth that you forgive me.
The thing im upset most was that you left when my birthday is coming. I kept thinking that i will never be happy as you will not be around. I have no idea how to celebrate or even have a happy birthday when i know something is missing. and that is your love and care. You have always been in my heart but im still sad that you will not be there to celebrate my birthday. I really miss you alot alot alot !!!! AND LOVE YOU ALOT ALOT ALOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im sorry to have made you dissapointed again and again. the paper cranes have been my sincerity and hope for you. the pictures we took together were memories we were tgt. and those will never be forgotten! ILOVEYOU UNCLE RAYMOND AND YOU WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN!!! LOVES!
LOVES:
HOPE TO BE UR CLOSEST NIECE AGAIN, BAOBAO






Y 7:19:00 PM

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UNCLE AUSTIN,

PLEASE COME BACK TO SINGAPORE TO WORK SO WE CAN SEE YOU ALL THE TIME..

CONNIE

Y 6:23:00 PM

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Connie,

I will always be here despite the distance. The bond we all have will be stronger now and ever. I promise I will stay close even when I am not there.

Austin

By Anonymous Anonymous, at July 19, 2008 at 11:59 AM  

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Everything felt so surreal when you passed away. Although now, reality is starting to sink in, the emptiness in our hearts have just become more apparent.

I recall ever so clearly the night when mum and I received the message from Auntie Linda saying that you told her you would go in 3 hours. I had accompanied my mum to do some banking at Holland v, right after leaving your place.If mum had not asked me to go back to the car to get her phone, we would have never read that message in time. Before I knew it we were in the car again. It was so quiet in the car and it just so happened that mum played Don Moen’s “God will make a way”. It was the only noise throughout the car trip. Each of us preoccupied in our own thoughts. Hoping that the words of the song would comfort our worried and weary hearts.

God will make a way
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me

He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength
For each new day
He will make a way
He will make a way

By a roadway in the wilderness
He'll lead me
And rivers in the desert will I see
Heaven and earth will fade
But His Word will still remain
He will do something new today

It was much relief for us when you really didn’t go that day. One more day passed and for a moment, I was certain you’ll be here just a bit longer. But just when my heart could breathe a sigh of relief, I received a call from pammy later that morning and a message from mum that you were dying and coughing out blood. At that time, I had just reached school and was keying in the bloody term marks for the j1s. I regretted so much for going to school, but I had to do my job. I remember having to just numb my senses and holding my tears so i could calculate the marks as fast as I could before pam and I cabbed down to your place.

Pam and I were greeted by the solemn faces of the parents and the house was awfully still. Uncle Austin led the way into the room where you lay. I just felt so lost. I felt so bad. We cried, uncle austin cried, and you still laid there, perfectly still.

Almost a week before everything took a bad turn, I remember sitting at the base of your bed while Auntie Linda and mum were talking to you. You knew I was there and kept giving me quick glances. Then suddenly you spoke, “Joanna, you know gugu has always liked your drawings. Can you paint one for gugu? Gugu wants to look handsome again.” And then you cried. My heart ached so bad, I promised you I would and I wanted to finish it so that you could see your handsome self once more.

Later that day, I immediately bought a canvas. But I never got the chance to show you the finalized piece. 5 days after that, you passed away. The night before you died I had a false sense of security that you would be able to see it as I was rushing the piece, trying to finish it before I went to school. Whilst painting, I recalled the times we all had together at ah ma’s place, your cheerful disposition, the loving gestures towards jolyn; the singing of “jolyn go to sleep, daddy tong bui teow”, the many birthday celebrations, you caring ways towards your sisters and brother and especially ah ma. We all knew you were a good man, a caring and loving husband and father. A filial son. A loving brother who would call his sisters everyday despite living in Bangkok. A caring uncle who always looked out for all his nieces and nephews- you made it a point to find out everybody’s situation although you were far away.

We could always see the love in your eyes when you looked at your children and wife.The twinkle in your eyes when you joking with us and the aunties.

I’ll seriously miss all that. there doesn't seem to be any laughter in the house anymore. I miss hearing my mum laugh.

Although I wasn’t very close to you, it was through the little gestures that I knew you cared. Even though everybody always said my paintings were morbid at first glance, you would try to explain to them about the true message of my work, trying your very best to understand my piece, my thoughts. I was so grateful for that and it encouraged me to work harder. Thank you for supporting my work gugu, I’ll work hard and make you proud.

I completed the painting later that day you died and I’m glad everybody says that it bears a striking resemblance to you.

I hope that you can see it from where you are and I really hope you’re proud of me, gugu.

Gugu, although everybody misses you and feels your passing as a great loss, I feel we’ve all gained a lot from it too. Your wish for our family being closer has really come through gugu, we are definitely much closer and loving than before.

Mum said you left peacefully, and i believe it was because you were finally able to let go.Even till the last minute you were still concerned over ahma, your brothers and sister's salvation. I am so proud to have you as my gugu, you are really a living testimony for God. I remember feeling so proud when you were talking to Auntie Linda's sisters and brother-in-law, preaching the word and thanking God for everything. You have really made us all proud.

But you know what gugu, what's more amazing is the strong faith your daughters have.Your 2 princesses ended up comforting us when most of us were crying our hearts out.

“Brave girls don’t cry!”

Jolyn's and Mei mei’s innocent and constant prayers for you and everybody have also strengthened my faith in God. Just taking that simple step of faith without hesitation, without doubting.

Although you have left us, Gugu, your love has definitely impacted our lives and the memories that you have created with us will stay with us; immortalized in our hearts forever.

Thank you, we are so glad to have had you here, to have enjoyed you as a husband, father, brother, uncle and grand-uncle.

Love you long time,

We'll see you soon!! :)


Y 2:43:00 PM

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REST IN PEACE, MY DEAREST UNCLE

On the day you left, i was sitting on my office. I received the sms from my mother 20 mins after you left. The sms mum gave me was too sudden. When i read it, i sat on the chair and stoned for about a min before i rushed out of the camp. The sms read "Uncle Raymond has passed away. Please come."

I didn't have enough money to take a cab so i took a bus instead. Seriously, i didn't want to reach there so early because i didn't want to face the truth: you have left us. On the bus trip, i was thinking about the last few days before: how we sang your favourite songs and was around to keep you company. How we rushed down when you told your wife, Auntie Linda that you were going to leave in 3 hours. How we saw you in pain trying to sleep at night. And now that you have left us, i really don't know how our lives will become.

When i reached the interchange, i decided to use the remaining money to take a cab over to your place. When i reached the nearby playground, i saw bao, cheryl, wen hui playing with your daughters, Jolyn and Jaslyn. Apparently they didn't know a thing. I made my way slowly to the void deck and into the lift. And then at your doorstep. It was opened. I went in and saw pam, mum and alyssa sitting at the nearest sofa. I went into your room and saw "Dua Yi" (1st aunt) crying out in pain. And i saw you lying on your bed lifelessly with your eyes wide open. I broke down finally when Daniel and Felicia came in. You were really gone.

I really don't remember how i managed to get over the next few days, cause throughout the period i could still not accept the fact that you have left us. When i was around the funeral, i wished so hard that i could just catch a glimpse of you around the corner or something. I cried until i have no more tears to shed for you. I really MISS you. Your face. Your 'prosperity'. Your presence. Whenever i see meimei and Jolyn telling me about how you have gone with Jesus to heaven, i cannot help but start tearing again.

You have made such a huge impact on our lives that with you gone now, i think our hearts have nearly gone with you. I remember Dua Yi saying once "It's not fair! Why Chye Hin?". Yes. Why must it be you? I always believed that you will live long enough to see us cousins become successful, healthy and well; this is what you always wish to see of us isn't it?

I really wished you were still with us. There's so much i want to tell you. How i would want you to feel proud of me in whatever i do. How i would want to hear from you. But now i can only remember the memories you have left me. How you played the games i never dared to play in the past. How you brought us to the flea market to buy PS games. How you would drive me to places to find games i could no longer find. More importantly, how you would tell me to watch my health and start exercising.

Yet, I know you are still around. In our hearts. You will watch us from above. Even though you are physically not around, rest assured that you will NEVER EVER be forgotten.

I LOVE YOU, GUGU.

From: Aaron

Y 1:04:00 PM

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TAKEN FROM ALYSSA's (a.k.a HEI MEI) blog

Monday, 14 July 2008

many said "everything's over"to me, NO it's not.every bit and piece of memory of you remains in my heart,your teachings, lectures, funny faces, concern, love and many many more still remains deeply etched in me.you're my rold model, and i strive to be as respectable as you are. you make every effort to keep the whole family together, you loved me, you cared for me, at your last breadth, you still asked for me.i have to admit, i feared the day you're leaving, when it came, it was too sudden. i couldn't face it, let alone the rest. i didnt hold your hands for the last time, cos i was afraid i cant let go. i dont want to cry, so i avoided seeing you. i didnt want to see you, i was scared. until that day, i had to face it. i have no choice. we made 6 photo albums on boards for you, worth of near to 200 photographs. it was photographs of me, you, all of us. i remember many photos, how you bathed for jolyn, how she stepped on your back as a masage. we made cranes too, we wished for that hope for you to survive the ordeal. eventually, the cranes still go with you. we have so many happy times together, it isnt easy to say gdbye. seeing you off was not easy, seeing the whole ceremony was even worst.on that day, i finally teared, i finally faced it. indeed, i miss you, but it's selfish to hold you back for my personal gain. we have given you all the memories to bring away with you, the photos, cranes and our wishes. I LOVE YOU, and i now have the courage to say to you, GDBYE! you will never be forgotten, "GUGU"!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008
i wish for a miracle.
a miracle to happen to not take away my uncle.
a miracle to happen to not take my uncle away from his little young angels.
a miracle to happen to not take him away from his beloved wife.
a miracle to happen to not take him away from my ever happy family.
i can't imagine with him gone, how much my family have to go through.
there should be happiness, laughter and i want it to be present forever and ever,
but i know it's what we have to face eventually, life and death.
but why him? why my family? he's still young.
the news was heart-breaking. it broke my heart. i cried. since a long time i cried. and i cried out loud this time becos i can't afford to lose gugu. but mummy doesnt know. cos mummy's heart breaks too. it's her brother.
all i wish is for a miracle, dont take him away.

Y 11:52:00 AM

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I MISS YOU, DADDY

Daddy, why now you choose to go to heaven instead of Bangkok? Why now I only can talk to you looking at your picture and the bottle? Why the ah nei nei took you away and then you were left in the wooden box not moving? I cried cos you were not responding to me...I cried cos someone told me you are dead and not coming back anymore. I cried when the machine push the wooden box (where you were inside) into somewhere...and I know you won't be back already. How come? Mummy told me Jesus took you with him....how? why?...I cannot understand.

I still continue to greet you good morning, goodnite, tell you I'm back from school, tell you I'm drinking nan nan. The only difference is...I cannot see the real you (only bottle). I cannot understand...I only know that...now you no longer sending me to school...no longer spending time with me....I only have you in my heart.


I miss you and love you daddy.


From : Your girlfriend, meimei

Y 9:29:00 AM

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I MISS YOU, PAPA

I cannot understand why Jesus is taking you to heaven. The only explanation that mummy told me was "Jesus takes papa away so that no more pain, no more water retention, no more jaundice for papa". Mummy asked me whether I will grant Jesus permission to bring papa to heaven and I replied 'yes'. I know I will not get to see papa again....i cried.


That morning, when I was told not to enter the room for very long...it has never been so long that I was prohibited from entering. Finally, when I was allowed to go in, it shocked me....you were not moving anymore...everyone was crying.....then i realised PAPA IS GONE. NO NO NO, I cried very badly, very sadly, I couldn't stop. Mummy told me to look out of the window, look at the sky...she told me...Jesus is holding papa's hand and walking into the sky already. Mummy reminded me that...I have granted permission for Jesus to bring you to heaven. Then I recalled...no more pain and no more sufferings for papa...then I stopped crying.


I remember whenever you are back from Bangkok, the first thing you do is to hug meimei and me...very tightly. Then the next thing...you will open your luggage...showed us what you bought for us...DVD, clothes, shoes, socks, pocky, tibits and many many more. Then next few days, you will send meimei and I to school. Then we will fetch mummy from office then proceed for dinner or shopping till late at night. We enjoy very much when you are back...full of activities. Mummy will arrange programme eg. she will book tickets for ducktours, hotair balloon etc. We will go places like east coast park, chalet and many many more. You said will bring us to Hong Kong, ride on Singapore Flyer, mummy's company trip etc...you promised, you promised...but now....cry cry.
When mummy told me that we will bring you home, I cannot understand how come you are in a bottle. I asked mummy how come you become so small and mummy told me that, if we want to keep you at home, you have to be in a bottle if not police will catch us if we keep your body at home. Your flesh lei? Your blood lei? Why only bone? I cannot understand. Anyway, mummy said you are now with Jesus...all these are jux shell.
Now, I kiss your picture to say goodmorning and goodnite, look at your picture to tell you I'm going to school/back from school. Now what I have is jux picture of you and the memories of you.


I promised you that I will be strong and I will take care of meimei and mummy. I will fulfill my promise cos I told you not to worry and I will be a good girl. Papa, I know I will see you in heaven and we will have party there. You wait for us ok? Love you...papa


From : Your girlfriend, Jolyn

(u always say, u have 3 girlfriends - mummy, meimei and I)

Y 8:23:00 AM

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DEAR UNCLE CHYE HIN,

Among all the cousins, I've known you for the longest time. Having lived with you from a 3 or 4 year old toddler to a 20 year old delinquent. But ironically, the only regret I have is not spending enough time with you. I wished I didn't had to come home on Tuesday night. I wished I woke up at 7am as usual so I could be at your side when you had to go. I wish I had just that few minutes with you to say how sorry I am. Sorry for coming home late. Sorry for running away. Sorry.

I kept asking God why. If he wanted me to grow up strong for a purpose, he need not make me go through painful episodes one after another. If he wanted you to bring me home, why he took you away when I am finally home? It took me almost 10 years to come home, why cant he give you 10 years before he takes you home? Why he took away my gong gong and now, you..‘有一个人， 根本没罪' - 有罪的人是我， 为什么要带你走？ Why did he make you, Austin and everyone so angry with me 10 years ago when I wasnt even trying to seek attention? I hated the attention. I hated how I created such a noisy home for you all to come back to. I hated how much hatred I feel everytime my face was slapped. But like you said to me at the hospital, its the past, what is most important is how I am living now. Yes, my only consolation is how it has shaped me. But today I feel it again. I hate how all that made me run away that 10 years later today, I will never have the chance to talk with you ever again. I keep talking to you for the past few days, can you hear me? Would you reply me please?

I know we were never that close before, we never spoke much before, I don't even have stories of how you enlightened me like the other cousins and I even wanted to run away from you so many times. But Uncle, you gave me the answers to a lot of questions I have & taught me many lessons just within a week. A week I'll never forget. Because its a week that I saw how a man fight on for his life with love, how a man leaves his family with love, how a man affects the people around him, how weak our bodies are and how strong a family bond can be. But the biggest lesson you taught me is SELFLESSNESS.

On Tuesday, seeing the aunties and uncle crying, I had a revelation. I know its you who kept praying to see me again and to bring me back home. But that moment, i felt you wanted me to do something. To replace my dad's presence in the family and help my aunties and uncles, listen and guide my cousins just like you always do. I dont really know how or where to start but I promise I will try.

Any GM still needs direction from its management, so can you please show me? Maybe its still orientation in Heaven but once you are done, can you please please meet me in my dreams so I can talk to you?

I only knew from Pam about your apology for not being able to attend Cady's birthday on Sat. Apology NOT accepted Uncle Chye Hin... because I should say sorry. I thought you forgotten your promise. See, there are so many things I want to tell you, I just ask for one more chance to see and speak to you.

I understand there are many people you need to speak to first, no worries, I will wait for my turn at the last. But please dont let me wait too long... because its getting to painful with each passing day..

I go to bed every night with the hope of seeing you.. lets meet in my dreams soon..You are my guardian angel, you should know my address... Oh, please say Hi and kiss Gong Gong for me!

P.s. please apply leave with God for 24th August 2008 to come attend Cady's 1st birthday

Love, Connie


Y 12:40:00 AM

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Connie, ah gong and uncle raymond will understand. Now they are up there, they see what has happened in the past. They see what u hv gone thru, they understand and they will not blame u. So dun blame urself anymore. Leave the past behind u, I'm sure this is what uncle raymond wants to see from you too. Uncle raymond ever told me that he is very proud and pleased to see who u r now. Rest assure, uncle didn't blame u or disappointed with you. Get out from the past, our dear connie.

From aunite linda

By Blogger LOVED ONES, at July 20, 2008 at 9:02 AM  

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Thursday, July 17, 2008

Come to Me

God saw you were getting tired
And a cure was not meant to be
So He put his arms around you
And whispered, "Come to Me."

With tearful eyes we watched you
As we saw you passed away
Although we love you deeply
We could not make you stay

Your golden heart stopped beating
Hardworking hands at rest
God broke our hearts to prove to us
He only takes the best.


Cher
(verse is not my own, but I found great comfort in reading it, so I thought I would share it with all my loved ones here.)

Y 11:19:00 PM

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OUR BELOVED

RAYMOND TAY C.H. (1968-2008) Photobucket
Portrait of Raymond by his niece, Jo

'REPUBLIC'

Raymond Tay left behind a great legacy and many loved ones who miss him so dearly by the day. Including Mother, Wife, his 1st princess, 2nd princess, Dajie, er-jie, san-jie, baby sister, Brother, 11 nieces (Ctay, CDD, Jo, Pam, Sam, Felly, BaoBao, Hei Mei, Roc, Ray & Becky), 3 nephews (daniel, Aaron & Big Boy) and 1 grandniece (Cady). Here, the people of the "Republic" would propose to post updates on each other lives as well as post whatever memories or thoughts we have about Raymond Tay. We hope that through this we are able to fulfill his wishes, of becoming a closer family unit.

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