Too Soon

CH

While the plane was cruising down the runway to bring me home on Wed from where I left my dear daughter, memories of you and what you said came flashing in front of me.

You wrote on my palm when you were on the hospital bed that "it was too soon, too many changes, and too sad" It must have been very tremendous for you to bear and we all around you will never ever be able to feel for you. It pains me everytime I remember those words and wished sometimes that I could help to bear some of your suffering. But I am reminded that we are all human but that only God knows how to alleviate the pain you had. To look on the other way, I rejoice that even though time is marching away every second from us and never coming back, changes are ever so constantly taking place, it will never be too soon or too sad for we know that we all have a destination - and that is to be able to see you and be reunited in victory and glory in the house of the Lord.

In the meantime, I believe that every of your loved ones down here will continue to journey on in united strength and spirit, keeping you ever so dearly in our hearts and knowing that we will meet again in a far better place - our heavenly home!

Jackie

1 Comments:

Raymond Tay(RT),

Til today, I still cannot accept the fact of your departure. I asked myself why such a nice person like you would contracted cancer and lost the battle to cancer? Recently, I lost another friend, age 41, male, to lung cancer. He was a happy going person like you. Doctor told him no doubt he had quit smoking for 2 to 3 yrs, he had contracted lung cancer whom he did not know. I guessed "cigarettes" are the culprits who took away my friends.Thks for coming into my dream and showed me your ancestors' tablets.Pray that you will have eternal happiness in heaven and you will always remembered by our group of friends of ex-SSH.

By  Anonymous, at September 27, 2008 at 11:48 PM  

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3 Comments:

Alyssa,

can upload video of Uncle CH ? So we all can see and hear him again..

thanks!

By  Anonymous, at September 25, 2008 at 1:09 AM  

Hi Alyssa

u're welcome. Always remember u r one of his favourite nieces...all these years (can tell frm d pictures).

I'm sure uncle is glad to see how all of u have changed and grown. Good job everyone.

Ok, I'll call ur mummy to make arrangement.

Love
Auntie Linda

By  LOVED ONES, at September 25, 2008 at 7:52 AM  

sure can. you want to pass me the video or we all do up the video tgt?

alyssa

By  Anonymous, at September 25, 2008 at 10:27 PM  

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Still miss you...

I want to write about something that happened on Saturday that made me miss Uncle CH alot again. I was walking home with my baby and my maid, crossing the road that leads to the carpark when I saw something! My heart raced.. I saw someone that was very 'prosperous', wearing a big white t-shirt, gold rimmed glasses and pushing a pram! For that instant I stared at him coz I thought I saw uncle CH!!!!! I just stood there carrying my baby and stared at that man walking towards us and I called out, Uncle Chye HIn? I think I was loud enough for him to hear coz he gave me a weird look. But because I am short-sighted, I had to really strain my eyes to get a better look at this man still walking towards us..Only when he was across the small lane then i got a better look at his face. I was still standing there like a statue staring at him holding Cady.. My maid also stopped behind me and might be wondering whats is going on. The man kept looking at me then his baby in the pram and then turn to look at his wife walking behind him. I wanted to much to take a photo with my phone but I dunno why I just stood there. When they walk past me, both of them gave me a very very weird look but smiled to me. After they left then i realised, I was standing there smiling at them like a ah seow!

Coincidently, there was a Christian funeral below my block and walking past (far away) I saw the deceased photo in the same white flowered frame as Uncle's. My heart sank. I think I was quite blur after that coz I only remember that i suddenly just cried in the bathroom missing Uncle Ch. I suddenly miss his voice and seeing him in front of me walking, eating, etc.. I like his smile and his cracking sound of his voice saying 'Dont worreeee'..

Uncle CH, thanks for sending my new maid to me, I know I need to be patient and calm.. I am trying to control my temper..miss you sooooooo much today...

Alyssa, can we upload a video of him here so we can see him again? Thank you!

Connie jie jie.

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Good morning Singapore!

Hi all beloved

Sitting here in the novotel writing this at 3:55am greenwich time. Jo still snoring in bed and me? as usual cannot sleep. It must be my body clock or just getting nervous not getting enough of Jo before leaving her behind.

Agree with Jo, Greenwich is a better place - being small and less congested - air fresher and oh goodness, so much sun and strong one too! in the midst of the cool. Wore my whole suit of thermal and still can feel chilly.

Central London was ok if not for the places of interest. We both did quite a bit of walking and exploring though not much of shopping, if thats what my dear sisters are thinking that I would do. Its amazing how much we both walked and sometimes we even walked into places we did not plan - like when we were actually looking for covent garden and accidentally came upon Trafalgar Square. Though at the end of the day, it can be very tiring but cos of weather, it became bearable - must admit sometimes my legs does feel painful and numb. But its all worth it - walking is good exercise and besides can save money mah!

The 1st day was good for me cos I get to visit Hill Song London - preaching very much like Pastor Prince's and so good to be in the house of the Lord. Then came Oxford street drama when we saw 3 black guys brushing pass us - oh goodness! - realised that it was a robbery when I saw one of the guys with a red handbag! It frightened the day light out of us for the whole walk down oxford.

2nd day experience was a little uncomfortable when we had to take a bus about 45 mins or more to the south to get Jo's account at HSBC started. We had to walk down this narrow lane in Deptford area full of black people. Can't help imagining what we usually see on TV that it can be quite threatening, not knowing what to expect. We got everything sorted and got out of the place as quickly as we could.

The trip to St Paul's church yielded much satisfaction for me. We got to climb about a 2 to 3 hundred steps up to the gallery looking down and around the surrounding which was a spectacular sight - I did not get to do that when I was there more than 10 years ago. I thoroughly enjoyed myself especially when I was Queen for the day after that at the Buckingham Palace. You see people -the real Queen was away on holiday in Scotland thats why I can be one for the day! Armed with the headphones provided with commentary and royal music along with it made one really feel like a royalty. I actually asked Jo to hold my hand like a Queen when I pretended to stroll down the humongous building with very big rooms filled with ancient art pieces which was so rich of history ! The dinning room itself is full of grandeur! Wish its my house so that all you lovely people can party all day. And oh by the way, Austin - I actually feel honoured to have contributed a little on the palace ground! No need for SEnekot!

Oh goodness, I have written so much already. Better not choked up the blog site. Maybe I will write more when we move into Jo's hostel in a few hours time and if we are in luck for better internet connection!

Bye people for now. BTW, the wound on my right knee has healed though the left knee still blue black. Thank you for all your concern! So sad actually, that I got my pants torn and had to throw away. Hoo, hooooooo :(

Jackie

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harloe harloe
jonaaanaaa heerrreee! sorry if i haven't been able to talk proper with you guys, today i'm able to get STABLE internet access cos the hotel we're staying at is supperr larrrr. much better than the one in the city: royal national hotel, we're staying at novotel at greenwich--pronounced gren- witch

anyway friends, like cheryl jie have a personal blog too, don't want to clog up the posts here!

weather's been good theses days cos we're in greenwich- we're still in london, just this is the south-east area, the air's fresher cos there's less traffic :D very prett place with clear blue skies and SUN. gawd the sunnn so niceee and warrrmmmm <3
anyway dears, here's the link

http://spotlightkids.livejournal.com

just leave a comment k? as for pictures i'll post a few on my livejournal and most of it on facebook, so cousins, let your mudders see ok?

(btw, can someone drug my mudder once she gets back, she cannot sleep well here too :( her eyes really look unhealthy and small..)

anyway, you take care y'all

much love from auntie jackie/jackie gugu and jo

2 Comments:

Did you both go to visit the longtitude line at Greenwich? That is the line that you can say that you are on both side of the globe lor! Saw the weather focus quite nice. Why she cannot sleep? Still jet lag? can go and get melatonine from Boots.

By  Anonymous, at September 19, 2008 at 9:36 PM  

jo: yeaa we did! ok lar, not much of a kick. other people yes, lol.
we had ice-cream today! and yes the weather's good. don't understand how some people can still wear sleeveless. but its windy and sunny at the same time..
irritating actually aha but apart from the weather everything's fine, tomorrow we're moving into the hostel!

By  Anonymous, at September 20, 2008 at 4:46 AM  

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依然想念你

老公

昨天去教会, 看到了你的影子…到处都是你的影子. 我看到你赞美的样子, 走路的样子…还有种种.

每当听到牧师讲道关于要有乐观的想法才会有正面的效果. 口里承认, 心里相信, 那神就会成就. 但是我想到我们当初是多么的乐观对代你的病情, 一直期望神能制造奇迹. 但是我们没看到反而神把你从我的身边带走而且是永远的带走(值得安慰的是你在这段生病期间接受了神). 坦白说, 我很失望和生气当神把你带走. 但是, 昨天我似乎得到了答案. 当神说给我们丰盛的生命, 富足与富裕的享受, 医治等等..一切都是灵命的. 我们知道我们的身体是暂时性唯独灵命是永久的. 你已得到了永远的医治, 永恒的富足和享受…这是对你最好的回报也是我们每一个信徒最期待的. 虽然是太早了很多点..但是我相信神早已经是安排了这一天让你安息的. 你的一生的路那么艰辛到了近几年你才过得比较好, 可惜病毒却在这个时候找上门来. 神把你带回祂的身边也是对你的一种解脱虽然我们大家都会伤心和心痛但我们知道你去了一个更好的地方. 我感觉得到你一直都在我和孩子们的身边…看护着和保护着我们. 我和孩子们也一直的把你放在我们的内心深处不会把你遗忘.

昨天我和大女儿讲起你, 我问她会伤心吗? 会想爸爸吗? 她回答我 ‘会’ 我问她 ‘哪怎么办?’ 她说 ‘没关系, 我把爸爸放在心里就可以了.’ 你是否为我们这个乖巧懂事的女儿感到自豪和安慰. 我问她 ‘哪如果朋友问起你的爸爸怎么办?’ 她说 ‘跟他们说爸爸去泰国工作囖.’ 你不必为我们担心, 有这两个可爱, 乖巧和懂事的孩子…一切都会顺利的而且有你和神的看护…一切都会迎刃而解的.

安息吧, 老公.

唯独你的, 永远爱你和挂念你的
老婆

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HOLA!

I haven't forgotten about everyone, if that's what you're beginning to suspect. In fact, for two nights straight, I dreamt of all of you! Including Uncle Austin :D So happy to have all of you accompany me through the night! I forgot if I told you guys, but I've intended to set up a separate blog devoted to my European adventures - so as not to clog up this blog with all my enthusiastic entries - all these while. It's a livejournal blog, cos I very much prefer that to blogspot. HOWEVER, contrary to my belief, I couldn't simply copy and paste my blogskin html from my previous personal blog to this new one cos the moderators updated their system. So I'm still in the process of modifying it. AND... school term has started, and though I only have 6 hours of lessons per week, I have lots of readings to do. SO, give me a wee bit more time. I'll make sure it'll be up as soon as possible - especially since I've got so much to share with you guys!

Uncle Austin, I'm so so so glad you'll be home soon (though I won't be there!). I'm sure you'll get all your food requests fulfilled and you'll be one very contented man. And no worries, I'm sure Jo is perfectly competent and will do well in the UK :D

The weather in Germany is turning cold. Last week i still got to enjoy Singaporean-ish weather (minus the humidity, thank God), but this week it falls below 10 degree Celsius at times. But I'll always make sure I'm as well wrapped as a delicious-looking ba zhang (glutinous rice dumpling), so no worries! And to quell your curiosities, I shall now upload some photos of the breathtaking views I get to behold from my hostel room. I get to watch the sunset everyday, and beautiful skyscapes always make me feel that gu gu is in Germany with me (:








I know these photos are a bit small but like I said, I don't wanna choke up this blog! So you shall see them bigger and clearer on my personal blog soon. Meanwhile all of you take good care of yourselves and one another yea? MMMMMUACKS.

Loving and missing all of you,
Cher

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Hello - Updates

Hello everyone...

I have just spoken to Jo and Jackie who are with all the gang in Changi.... so much excitement..
Just hope that both of them don't suffer from constipation... but it is ok because UK has a brand called SENOKOT. I think CHYE HIN staring down at all of you laughing...

Chye Hin

Jo will be there for four years but I am sure it will be good for her. To be exposed to the world and will be a successful in her art as you believe she will be...You know Jackie will be sad but I am sure Pammy and Sammy will ensure she is not.

Jo, as I said to you on the phone, please email me if you need any help in UK. Please do not worry about your mom and sisters, they will be fine. Enjoy the studying life in Uni. I sure did when I was in UNI. Trust me when you start to work, you will miss UNI life.

Jackie, as I said also to you on the phone, Jo will be fine. Don't have to worry about her. It will be good for her to be independent just like Cheryl.

Cheryl,

Hope you are enjoying Heidelberg. Please send photos.

To all the rest of the nieces and nephews,

you all know how and where to reach me. Just another piece of good news....

I will be flying back to Singapore on 3 Oct - arriving midnight
to 6 Oct where I need to check in to the hotel

I will stay from 7 Oct to 10 Oct for work. Leaving the hotel on the 10 Oct. But will be leaving Singapore on the 12 Oct morning flight.

So, food request please....

Liam Kueh with extra chilli!
Mee Hoon Kueh also

BTW - now taking requests for anything from HK

Ausitn

3 Comments:

Hi Austin, good to know that u are coming back soon.

Oh, I hope she is ok now...hope is not serious. Take care, Jackie and Jo.

Linda

By  LOVED ONES, at September 14, 2008 at 10:36 PM  

Helo Austin,

Idiot! thought we suppose to keep it between me n you?? Btw u can check into the new hotel at 54 Astrid Meadows lah. Already told the hotel owner already. Save on your hotel stay mah! $$$$$ after 10Oct, u can again check into the Astrid Meadows. Jackie will be glad to receive you since Jo is away mah. Btw can help to buy my dried scallop? BB also need some.

Thanks you

By  Anonymous, at September 15, 2008 at 10:52 AM  

OH MY!

Haven't been here for only 3 days and so much information is poured on me!

Haha finally you're coming back Uncle Austin!

And poor poor Auntie Jackie!

And well as for your house being in order, well i have doubts about that!

=)
Aaron

By  LOVED ONES, at September 17, 2008 at 11:49 AM  

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Uncle CH,

today i got very mixed feelings..happy that I can finally get rid of the maid, worried abt how the new maid will be, sad coz joanna will be leaving, sianz coz Auntie Jackie will be away for almost 2 weeks, worried abt Cheryl coz been unable to webcam her these few days..etc.etc..

For the past weeks, everytime i get worried, I'd always consol myself saying you will help me just like the many times i felt that you did. So, i really hope and want this new maid to work out and can really take some burden off my shoulders so i can do more things. I somehow sense you are sending Dolly to Cadence just like the way you sent Tata to your queen and princesses..Once that part is settled, then i can do what i have to do..

Today is 12th Sept, 2 months since I saw you physically..still cannot believe you are no longer here with us and its still hard not to tear when thinking of you. I wonder sometimes what advice you will give me for Cadence..I really wish i could just sms 'uncle raymond' on my hp and you will reply.. Maybe you will still be in Bangkok, flying back just to send Joanna and Auntie Jackie to UK tomorrow. Or even offer to help me drive my maid back to the agency and perhaps call me out for lunch. That day, I heard my colleague sang 'Yi sheng He qui (Mandarin)' or YAK SANG HOR KAO', i cried coz I remembered you.. I remembered in Lower delta road where we all sit on the floor watching this drama series that has this song..I know you are still with us, looking over us but I wish I could hug you just one more time.

Uncle CH, we miss you so much. No one can take your place in our hearts, never!

Joanna - take care of yourself in UK. Dont worry too much, we will take care of your mudder and sammy and am sure Pammee will ensure everything is in order at home! Just concentrate on what you have to do now so that you can take good care of your mudder when you come back. Your mudder will not be so free with us around..She will be busy making her life better! Remember to blog here, call home or msn regularly with your cousins..

CDD 2 - miss ya heaps! Once you settled down, remember to check for me and Auntie Jackie on good products there! I will be busy with the new maid so will try webcam you next week! Cady is fine and loving browsing and messing her books. Now she spends more time at the mini library messing her books then at the toys areas! And she is concentrating more when I read to her.. She loves GOODNIGHT MOON! Hey, must show me the German version of Little prince when you come back hor..

Auntie Jackie - sms us when at the airport coming home ok? Dont worry about Joanna la..she will be fine. she has her daddy god to take great care of her and protect her..

Uncle Austin - when you coming back ah?

Love, Connie

1 Comments:

whaaaa. secret mission. sucessful hahaha.

By  Anonymous, at September 14, 2008 at 9:05 PM  

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2 MONTHS AFTER YOU LEFT US

Hi Chye Hin,

Sa Wa Ti Ka!! Yestereday was 2 months since you left us. Still missing you & your call, checking w me what to eat and asking me where are we going this Saturday. Words can't express how much we all missed you and your playfulness. Felicia had lost her SiFu and Dan had lost his favourite Uncle Chye Hin.

Anyway, Cheryl had left for Germany last week. Had reminded her that she should not comes back with studs all over. Remember??? this was your worry when u will around. Btw, Joanna will be leaving this saturday too. So sad to see them leaving. Chye Hin, if you are around, am sure you were also be sad, right? Now that you are up there, please pray for them. Pray that they will be protected from all evil and harm.

Tell u something, sometme i still feel angry with GOD lor. Why must HE take you away from us so soon.........sigh..... I know.. i know... i have to let go and move on... but.....aiyah... whenever i see your picture in my house... i just can't help crying lor.... then my kids will throw me the tissue box. Especially whenever i see your blog, my tears will just keep flowing lor. Aiyah, lousy me, right???

Btw Bro, why todate u still have not come to my dream leh? m still waiting lor.

Missing You......

Bee Tee

2 Comments:

hey! u think so easy he can come to yr dream,must take number one.have patience, he will come to u very soon.

karen

By  Anonymous, at September 10, 2008 at 10:40 PM  

aiya.. coz he needs to help those in need first mah..patience la...

By  Anonymous, at September 12, 2008 at 10:32 AM  

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Guten Tag!

I'm settling in well in Germany, but I've still got some admin matters, like setting up my bank account, that I have to attend to today. So you guys gotta wait (at this point of time i left my room to shit - see, a sign of adapting well: no constipation!) for some time before my first actual blog entry arrive yea. For those who didn't know - that'll be all of you I guess, since I made no mention of this previously - my school is built in a castle, so it's really beautiful. and my hostel room faces a harbour. Being the artsy-fartsy literature major, I'm certainly not a fan of industrial sights but the view can get rather pretty at night. In between my hostel and the harbour there's a canal (which is really quite clean, unlike the ones you get in Singapore) in which white swans dwell. Just a preview for all of you! I promise you more detailed updates complete with pretty photos. (: Okay I gotta wash up and head down to the bank and supermarket soon.

Love and miss you all,
Cher/Ah girl/CDD 2/Cheryl jie jie/Tua yi/Absiest Abs Habs

(Almost forgot! For those who haven't gotten me on msn, it's wlfan87@hotmail.com. I've got some international student events to attend today so most of you will already be in dreamland by the time i get online. But I'll be online as and when I'm available in my hostel room so I believe I'll catch y'all real soon.)

7 Comments:

cheryl jie jie,
you must take good good care of urself. i will miss you a lot and i have to miss jo soon too. haiya, so many pple going overseas ):
anyway, hope you have read my "token of love" HAHA.
(:

from:alyssa

By  alyssa, at September 5, 2008 at 5:19 PM  

Hello,

Hope you are enjoying the countryside. So your campus is a schloss. Must be a splendid view. must take photo and show us.

Where are u in Germany?



Austin

By  Anonymous, at September 5, 2008 at 9:27 PM  

nice to hear u r doing fine remember to keep in contact with all of us.

By  Anonymous, at September 6, 2008 at 12:43 AM  

HEYS CHERYL JIE JIE! I REALLY REALLY MISS YOU ALOT. FELT LIKE CRYING THAT DAY. BUT DIDNT HAHAS. GUESS EVERYONE FELT THE SAME AS ME? REALLY REALLY GLAD YOU HEAR YOU ARE FINE. SO UPDATE US ABOUT YOU MORE OFTEN IN THE BLOG. TKCARES. ILOVEYOU AND MISSYOU[:

By  黄艾琳 Amelia, at September 7, 2008 at 12:02 AM  

Alyssa: i will take care of myself. no worries, yea? OF COURSE I read your token of love! it was the first thing I did when I settled down in the plane. and it made me teary-eyed - which I expected! i'm gonna paste it on my room wall, along with the letters mei mei and jolyn wrote for me, and of course the purple card (:

Uncle Austin: I'm in Mannheim, which really isn't much of a countryside (it's really near Heidelberg though, which is absolutely beautiful). But it's a fine place with nice people! Yup, University of Mannheim is built within the Mannheim baroque palace. Much much much more artsy and beautiful than NUS! Will upload the photos soon.

Dan: was fun Skyping with all of you today! if possible, go get a cheap (but not too lousy) webcam, or borrow one! then i can look at all of you too.

Amelia: Oh man. Luckily you didn't! crying can be quite contagious, like yawning. haha. really glad to have caught you on msn today. sorry i wasn't responding very promptly cos i was conference-calling sammy and daniel on skype! go download skype too so that you can join us next time also okay? then you guys can see my face also if you want to. hahaha. and you know what? 4 months will pass really really soon. i'll be back before you know it! HUGS. love you and miss you too dear. you take care and work hard okay? jie jie has lots and lots of faith in you! (:

By  Anonymous, at September 7, 2008 at 6:44 AM  

CDD, sorry for going offline that day..Cady woke up and I was dozing off! Boy, i can imagine how beautiful it is being in that castle. Miss ya heaps! Now i dont have anyone to discuss when i am stuck with Cady's programs and stuff..So boring. BTW, Wenhui havent help me with Cady's flashcards yet.He seems to be making himself so busy to forget missing you..hahaha. another 3 more pay cheques and you will be back! Cant wait for you to come back & help me to make some home made books for Cady for her reading program & create her phonics program with me..Oh, & her mini library..I have been busy with work and my new maid will arrive this sat so may or may not catch you on msn or skype but am always thinking of ya..Pls take good care of yourself ok? Muaks,CDD 1 & 3

By  Anonymous, at September 8, 2008 at 11:07 PM  

CDD! it's okay darling, i understand! (: anyway, I MISS YOU TONS too. and miss discussing with you about how to nurture cady. or discussing her nutritional needs with you. yea i will be back real real real soon to help you with the mini library! so exciting :D cady shall be a storyteller like us too! hahaha. i'll be getting busier with my studies so i won't be available online as often too. but we'll definitely talk sometime! and guess what? i bought the german version of The Little Prince today. so happy! hehe.

Love love love you and CDD 3,
CDD 2

By  Anonymous, at September 10, 2008 at 10:06 AM  

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Cheryl, pls blog as much

Cheryl, pls blog as much as you can so we know how you doing in Germany...

Love, CDD 1 and CDD3

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Yes, this is my first time blogging here, and i know you guys might be thinking "what took you so long, pam?"
Honestly, i just didn't want to deal with it.deal with gugu's passing.not that i didn't care, but because i knew that whatever i felt and am still feeling now could not be expressed clearly on this blog.i occupied myself with so many things to try to get away from thinking of gugu, trying not to visit the blog so frequent cos i knew it wouldn't help me get over him being gone.(and i knew gugu wouldn't want us being sad, but rather us living a joyful life)so i never wrote here.plus the fact that i know i'll just break down while writing this(and i was right)

The first few times when i visited this blog, it was heart warming yet heart wrenching for me.Heart warming, cos even though Gugu has left us physically, the impact he left with us is still evident in our lives.Heart wrenching because everytime i come here, i'm reminded of him, and how i never really got the chance to be close to him like the other cousins.
I guess a big part of me is still very guilty at the times in the past where i'd get jealous that gugu didn't seem to love me as much as the rest.Since young, all i had for him was respect as an uncle, but nothing close to knowing him personally.I remember when i was younger(before my father left us), i'd always feel abit out of place.somehow, being showered with material goods by my dad couldn't compare to the love that gugu showered on alyssa and bao.I saw a different kind of love.one that i didn't really get from my own dad.so being the jealous kid i was, i didn't care to be close to gugu cos i felt that the love wasn't reciprocated.
but i was deeply wrong.
that car ride i had with gugu was more than enough to tell me that he loved me no matter what.it was after we sent austin gugu off to the airport, and i had to be at my church friend's house after.he offered to send me there, and what i thought was going to be an awkward quiet car ride turned out to be the turning point for my relationship with gugu.he talked to me, told me how he felt about the way i was doing things with my life, and gave me advice through his own life stories.showing me that he bothered to tell me all this, just warmed my heart.However, it also made me feel so upset with myself that i actually thought i needed to be accepted by him to be loved by him.made me feel upset with myself that all this while i always felt abit jealous that i wasn't close to him like the rest.
But it was clear to me then that even though he rarely showed it, i knew he'd always care for me.

I'm sorry for not coming to share my feelings after his passing.I still feel guilty that i never made a point to talk to him more when he was around.And being the emotional wreck that i am, i knew that visiting this blog would make me cry and yearn to speak to him again.to have just one more chance.just to tell him i love him.and how grateful i am to him.

He made such an impact on my life.His frequent calls to ask how we were, the arrangements he made for us when we went to Thailand.but more importantly, showing me the real meaning of being a 'family'.
When i was younger, i used to think that it could never happen to us.having a broken family that is.so it came as a big blow when my dad left us.i felt so lost.so unloved.
but this 4+ (or5) years have only made me stronger.more independent.more matured(even though i know i still have a long way to go in this aspect)more caring.more loving.more selfless.more understanding.growing into someone which i don't think could have happened if my dad was still around.because then, i wouldn't have realised who my true family were.you guys.

there was once i was waiting for my mummy to fetch me from school.it was around 6plus in the evening, and i was seated at the bleachers facing the field.the view was..perfect in every way.well, fine i won't go all the way to calling it was perfect(though i did).but, close to spectacular.the sky was a graduated tint from pastel blue to peachy-pink with a tinch of orange.and right in the middle, a rainbow(no not the round bridge-like ones.it looked more like lighting crashing to the ground, except in a spectra of colours)i'm not much of a fan for rainbows, but this was an exception.my eyes started brimming with..well you know the rest.and all i was thinking was 'if only gugu was here to see it'.
but then it dawned upon how much the view and the rainbow resembled gugu.somehow orange was always associated with gugu.maybe cos he was the cheerful big man we all knew.and though i was really down that day, that made me feel so much better.think gugu knew and wanted to show me that he'll always be there for me.watching over me.

Anyway, im supposed to be getting ready to leave for the airport to send cheryl off now.Cheryl, tcare of yourself there ok!we'll miss you dearly.<3 I'll leave you with one last thought.
Well i always thought that my dad leaving was a terrible thing that happened to us,and nothing good could come out of it.but i was wrong.cos because he left, i'm who i am today, and i know there are so many more people who care for me and my family.likewise, gugu's departure from this Earth was unbearable and i still can't believe he's gone.but i keep telling myself, that something good will always come out from this.It's evident that we have all grown a whole lot closer, and i just know that our Daddy God will provide for Gugu's family no matter what.So let's all try to look on the brigher side of things.Cos something awesome is in store for all of us.

With all my love,
Pammy.

1 Comments:

Pammy,

Really happy to see your entry here. To be honest, my impression of you when you were young were that of a spoilt brat who has all the expensive things. You know, I was really jealous that time! But I am really glad to see you maturing into a fine young lady with so much energy! Its always fun having you around and capturing so many happy moments. And with your jie flying to UK soon, you will have to help your mummy look after the family ok?

Love, Connie jie jie

By  Anonymous, at September 5, 2008 at 12:53 AM  

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Hong Kong Trip 2008

Labels: First holiday w/o u physically

2 Comments:

Linda,

Can really understand how you feel. But you know that he is not lost anymore. You and the girls will always have him close at heart and he is never gone for each day you all are living remembering him. He hears you and will always be there looking down at the three of you. He hears, he knows and he sees...Be strong. You need to be for the girls and i am sure CH would want you to be. Every step of your way you embark with your girls, remember he is and will always be there with you.

Austin

By  Anonymous, at September 3, 2008 at 11:30 PM  

Austin

Thanks Austin. I know he's not lost jux that missing him very much whenever I visit places which we've been together before. Dun worry, I'll be strong for me 2 precious jewels. I'm fine.

Linda

By  LOVED ONES, at September 4, 2008 at 8:21 AM  

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Dear CH

From Austin, I am so so glad that your princesses enjoyed themselves. You must be smiling from where you are to see your loved ones so happy - knowing you selfless nature!Though you may not be with them physically, I believe they have brought you along with them in their hearts!

Bro, we had quite a gathering at the chalet last weekend - 24 people squeezing into the 2 storey 1 room chalet and a big 5 men tent. I believe the children enjoyed themselves being together and it must be quite a sacrifice for them as much as for the adults!

We celebrated Jaslin and Rochelle's birthday and were blessed with a sumptious buffet dinner given by your wife. Mum also came that night.

The kids also went bowling at the bowling alley you brought them the last time too!

I know I shouldn't be living in the "if only" world, but my heart really wish you were there with us.

When the 4 of us, Tah-jie, BB, Mei Hang and I were lying on the beach that wee hour of the morning(erm....actually we have no place to sleep in the chalet!), I really felt that the family have really gotten so close and can't help feeling so grateful that the family spirit (the family man you are) you have left behind has so cemented everyone. I am really surprised that Tah-jie was so sporting to brave the cold with us , not forgetting Mei Hang sacrificing the comfort of her own bed also spent the night chilling out at the beach. I felt so warm though our surrounding was so cold. Again, I wish you were there!

Perhaps, we have all been carrying memories of you in our heart wherever we are and though we try not to talk about it, I believe it must have been everybody's wish that you were there with us - - - in person!

Good night and I still miss you bro!

Your angel

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DISNEYLAND

Dear Bro,

I spoke to your wife and one of your princesses (Jolyn) this evening as they were in Disneyland waiting for the fireworks. Apparently they were there the whole day... Linda mentioned walk until the legs were painful. But she said it was worth it. I am so glad that they enjoyed themselves. Jolyn told me all about the book she bought with all the signatures of the characters except Snow White who was in the castle. You must have been looking at them from above and ensure that the weather was good. The forecast was supposingly showers but it did not..

I know it was your wish that you wanted to bring them to Disneyland when you recover...I am so glad that i can act as your proxy to fulfil this wish of yours. Thank you for allowing me to do that.

Austin

2 Comments:

Austin

Thank you very much for the arrangement. We really enjoyed and it's worth it. We were so excited and moving around jux to make sure we dun miss anything out especially taking picture with Belle (Jaslyn's favourite princess) and Aurora (Jolyn's favourite princess). It is really an amazing experience for my 2 precious jewels. I'm so glad they enjoyed very much. Thank you for all the calls to make sure that we are doing fine and have smooth day everyday. My sisters also thank you for everything and they really enjoyed the trip. Thank you very much, Austin.

Oh yes, Austin, please thank Greg for us. Thanks

Linda

By  LOVED ONES, at September 3, 2008 at 4:23 PM  

Linda,

I am happy that all of you enjoyed your time in Disneyland. Yes I will thank Greg for it. He was very nice when I told him about CH and it was his intentions to visit Disneyland with you and the girls. He immediately come back to me and said he could arrange to bring three persons in free and the discounted tickets. I can't wait to see the picture book Jolyn has in Oct when I am back. PLease tell your sisters that they are welcome. I am sure that CH must be beaming on the day for the showers stayed away.

Austin

By  Anonymous, at September 3, 2008 at 11:25 PM  

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